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You Have Control

Contributed by Destiny on Tuesday, 18th May 2004 @ 08:18:29 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

The pain in my eyes
the way I feel
Wishing this could not be real
The darkness of heart
pain's touch so cold
memories of you are so old
I'm lost in this sadness
waves crashing down
all I hear is this drowning sound
I flail and try to swim
I'm drowning in him
my thoughts are lost
you own my soul
my heart, my mind, you have control

Copyright © Destiny ... [ 2004-05-18 20:18:29]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: You Have Control (User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on Saturday, 15th July 2006 @ 03:19:51 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like the last four lines that shore up the poem. I felt like it was meandering from a certain emotion about the topic, but it sort of selects where to go and solidifies at the end.

I also can appreciate how you used the end of the final line as the title, bracketing the poem. That is a great tool when used properly and I think it is here. It makes me read through the poem, hit the end and notice the similarity, and read it again to gain further effect.

TSx

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