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Lost Vision
Contributed by
mindset
on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 04:34:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
For years now i walked the road of stone
Feet of under hurt so much no way to turn
As a young boy i looked for guidence
Day by day i feel their abscence
All i want is to be the norm
Yet for me the life is nothing but the storm
I sit and whatch the sun a turning
I know again another day dawning
For me tomorrow and yesterday a same
A morning bright so filled with pain
Shall i say a comfort of her will take it away
Inside a lonely place no she can cure
For me days too long i seek no more
For what i know and what i learnt
Every day is a new discovery
Yet to know a price so dear
So easy to be the square
I say hide and try not to stare
Inside the warm place for those who know
Dont look too long theres no escape
If u embrace its lonely place..
Copyright ©
mindset
... [
2004-05-14 16:34:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 04:52:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is really beautiful, and with a spell check/edit it would be even bettert!!
Welcome to YPDC...
Jenni |
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Re: Lost Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by mindset on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 05:00:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| what you see the words or the spelling mistake |
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Re: Lost Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 06:18:10 PM AEST
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Nice and emotional . . . well done. I do have to agree with Jenni, though. It's good, don't get me wrong, and smoothing out the spelling errors would make it even better . . . the fact is, using chatroom type spellings like "u" for 'you' detracts a bit from your poem . . . which is all that Jenni meant, and as a friendly bit of advice. Please take no offense.
--Nora |
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Re: Lost Vision
(User Rating: 1 )
by mindset on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 06:07:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| its down to being drunk and liveing day be day.... |
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