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My Patient
Contributed by
nocturnal-instincts
on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 06:44:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
There is something trapped inside me
Tortured abused, teased and cold
hearing every fatal insult
one cut closer to losing control-
-it is here inside my system
it is scraping at my walls
the insanity, the high tension
through my skin is where it crawls-
-Watch it flow across the surface
watch it eat me inside, out
feel it enter, uninvited
fell it Karma come about-
-You fed it your negativity
and now it has grown into obesity
I can't hold onto it any longer
it is taking over me-
-It's uncontrollable, its full of anger
Fury, Rath builds up inside
Ripping its way through my Shador
as it ascetically compelled and cried-
-I'm losing control, no one can stop it
It has has enough of life
Its elluding my body, avengely
Looking for you,its prey, its querry-
-I'm letting it out of the Asylm
Nothing now can hold it back
Its just as angry as i am
fear the result of this impact-
-It is creeping out of my sockets
It is biting through my ribs, Its Bars
It is so obstreperous
it will enter and tear you apart-
-you can try to run form it
manifestly you cant hide
it has risen from the dead
you took its life, are you ready to die?-
-Feel it violate your body
Seek into your every Pore
It is now dominating
You are Its now, Not it is yours...
Copyright ©
nocturnal-instincts
... [
2004-05-12 06:44:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Patient
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 07:07:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is quite the powerful expulsion of imagery from within your. Pulsating and quite raw, with plenty of grammatical errors, spelling peculiarities and some interesting diction - it is an intriguing initial submission.
Thanks for writing.
And welcome to YPDC . . . |
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Re: My Patient
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 07:18:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
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spectacular!
that piece was like amaaaazing!!!
it's so raw and sounds so untouched but is almost so perfect {if you exclude a couple of teeny errors here and there} that---well, i can't tell if it's been edited fifty times or not...
i really loved this one because it doesn't sound forced at all to me..it sounds so natural and sorta flowing...
i found the imagery to be brilliant above all.
i could visualise every line, every word in my head...
awesome!!!
13 year old girl who wishes nocturnal_instincts a very warm welcome to YPDC and decides she's going to go sulk in the corner with envy at such powerful emotions being displayed in this poem...cuz compared to hers, her poems are soooooo stupid lol..
Katie
************************************************
don't yell at your boyfriend
if he stares as i pass
cuz honey i can't help it,
i was born with this ass!
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Re: My Patient
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 07:50:30 AM AEST
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this is very good. interesting. its had a great flow and amazing imagery. a good write.
welcome to YPDC!!! *hugs, phil xxx* |
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Re: My Patient
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 08:09:38 AM AEST
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this is brilliant.. the last line said it all.. great stuff.. oh and welcome to ypdc! hope to see more writes by you soon..
charlotte x_x_x |
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Re: My Patient
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 10:41:46 AM AEST
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Apart from a few tiny spelling mistakes it is an excellent first poem. Welcome to the YPDC. I hope to read more of your work in the near future as you obviously have talent.
Top Marks
bernard. |
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