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Mend these broken wings.
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 10:39:35 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
These tattered wings are killing me,
im longing to fly, but im falling each time i try,
i know the end of the tunnel is up ahead,
but im standing in the middle of this dark pit,
and im trying in vain to reach the edge.
alone, crying out to the cold dark stone,
i am the only one who returns my call,
my plea for help just bounces off these walls,
making me feel surrounded, by no-one at all.
insecure decisions,
if i try to fly i will fall,
if i dont i will forever remain alone,
just to die in these cold lonely halls...
will you come to rescue me?
can you mend these fractured remains?
see a way to reach the light?
help me mend these broken wings.
are you the one to help me fly,
mend the scars, the blackened tears,
return my spirit to the sky,
let the wind take all my cares...
watch my essence, as it disappears...
..into the sun stained clouds...
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2004-05-11 10:39:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 10:46:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I think these words flow like a warm soft breeze. They give me a sense of wanting to fly,yet it also has me wanting to reach out and help YOU fly! Poetically spoken words that linger in the mind. That's what a real poem does. Great job here!!!
Angel always...godspeed...joni |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 11:02:54 AM AEST
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well written...I once felt the same way...but found I am the one who has to reach out and mend my own wings...we all have the power deep inside...reach in to the light and soar you will...this was a beautiful expression of your fight...I believe you can win
Shari |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 12:32:14 PM AEST
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Don't give up trying to see the light. Trust me, someone will come along and pull you up. Never give up on love and hope.
Rita |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by bleeding_chains on
Tuesday, 11th May 2004 @ 12:42:33 PM AEST
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| this is a very good write. i love it. |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 12th May 2004 @ 06:16:01 AM AEST
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A powerful plea for help. Very moving. Nice work.
Stitch |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by JT on
Thursday, 13th May 2004 @ 07:34:03 AM AEST
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| I read this in a roomful of people and felt the solitude of the words on the screen. Beautifully created. |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Friday, 14th May 2004 @ 11:56:08 AM AEST
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*applause*
Wow, Phil, this is one of your best ever . . . really stunning imagery, awesome metaphor, and just *so* well written :-). That one line, "if i try to fly i will fall"-- perfection. And the last two lines . . . whoa. I love the idea of "sun stained clouds".
Okay, you asked for constructive criticism . . . maybe you could capitalize the "i"s and add apostrophes? Like, "I'm" instead of "im" . . . that's really all I can think of.
*hugs*
--Nora |
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Re: Mend these broken wings.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 10:12:05 AM AEST
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| Yes this is a very sad poem but not a hopeless one. This is a good write. Thanks for reading my poem as well. |
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