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As I'm Looking Down
Contributed by
superash16
on
Tuesday, 4th May 2004 @ 10:53:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
the wind rushes by,
the cold bites my face.
i see the botton of the cliff,
as im looking down
the sea is directly underneath.
the waves crash on the rocks.
foam forms on the water
as im looking down
im watching for civilization,
wanting for help.
hoping for death to come soon,
as im looking down.
the clouds have come,
they know whats in store.
im going to die,
as im looking down.
i jump from the cliff,
just as soon as they yell stop.
i see the bottom of the ocean,
as im looking down.
THE END
Copyright ©
superash16
... [
2004-05-04 22:53:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: As I'm Looking Down
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alli on
Tuesday, 4th May 2004 @ 10:58:30 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Very descriptive, desperate, but beautifully sad. Like bitter sweet. Keep your head up, and stay off the cliff, keep writing poetry. |
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Re: As I'm Looking Down
(User Rating: 1 )
by blondie_64865 on
Tuesday, 4th May 2004 @ 11:01:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i could almost feel the pain you were feeling by reading your poem. It's very sad and just know that there is always hope but the poem was well written |
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Re: As I'm Looking Down
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on
Tuesday, 4th May 2004 @ 11:47:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Good use of metaphors and discriptives! I like the lines: i jump from the cliff,
just as soon as they yell stop.
Isn't that always how it works, always when it's too late. Good write! |
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