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Melted Ice-Cream
Contributed by
New_York_Chick
on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 04:25:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
Not a single goddamn breeze
To put me out of my misery
With only one tree
on each block
This is my neighborhood scenery
Patiently waiting for someone
To share a piece of shadow
Feels like an oven
in my throat
as I swallow
Soon the caramel
starts melting
And as if lava is slowly running
down my finger
Trying not to lose my mind
as I linger
Ah, the hell with your "I was waiting
in a line for this tree before"
My ice-cream already melted
[you ignorous stupid belly!!]
and I don't care anymore
Copyright ©
New_York_Chick
... [
2004-05-02 16:25:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Melted Ice-Cream
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 05:28:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very good write! |
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Re: Melted Ice-Cream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 06:32:28 PM AEST
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The poem is o.k. and I understand the irritation at the heat and causing the ice cream to melt, but I don't really think God had much to do with it. Couln't you have just used damn or did there have to be a curse word at all? Sorry, just my opinion. I try not to use language that might offend others that would read my work. Each to his own, I suppose.
Rita |
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Re: Melted Ice-Cream
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnGeL_M on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 06:44:36 PM AEST
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This Poem Is Ok But You Didn't Have To Curse Our Lord And Savior.... People That Are Saved Gets Really Offended By That Word. I'd Appreciate It If You Wouldn't Curse Our God Any More .... For If It Wasn't For Him You Be Here Right Now... Sorry Thats The Truth And My Only Opinion.
AnGeL |
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Re: Melted Ice-Cream
(User Rating: 1 )
by loveisendless on
Monday, 3rd May 2004 @ 12:05:09 AM AEST
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I AGREE WITH ANGEL & RITA! NICE POEM BUT I SEE NO NEED TO CURSE GOD! IF IT'S REALLY THAT HOT-GO GET SOME AC!!
GOD WILL UNDERSTAND!!!
DAN!!!! |
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Re: Melted Ice-Cream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 3rd May 2004 @ 01:43:32 AM AEST
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Youv'e caused differences of opinions on this one! i enjoyed it though very unique and well written.
wildejohnny. |
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Re: Melted Ice-Cream
(User Rating: 1 )
by JadedExistence on
Monday, 3rd May 2004 @ 02:05:30 AM AEST
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Great poem and to be honest, I'm a little amused by the differences in opinions.
Although I don't normally think we should swear in our poetry (even though I have) if it hasn't been changed by the moderators than it is obviously acceptable and I don't really think it is right to turn someones poetry into a religious debate. Religious people write a lot of poetry that talk about "God" and not only under the religious topic but you don't have a bunch of atheists telling them that they are offended. Anyway, now that i have added to the little debate, I will go.
Again, great poem.
~JadedExistence~ |
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