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Road Out, Or Road In.
Contributed by
deathdrop
on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 11:55:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I am sort of getting help.
If I choose the road to get out.
If I don’t fall, before I say ‘yes’.
If I wake from my broken mess.
I know its something, I have to do.
But my iced world is delicate.
I don’t want it broken too!
I have to find the keys,
When, I don’t know where they are!
I’m confused coz things are spinning.
They stole for a laugh.
What does that make me?
To have been there with them.
Then to lay their marks else where,
They gob their smokers Flem.
What do I think?
To go round with them?
I know that they’re trouble.
I just want to fit in!!
And with the help,
I’m not sure where it goes.
Because darkness is my shadow.
Of a bitter rose.
Copyright ©
deathdrop
... [
2004-05-02 11:55:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Road Out, Or Road In.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 12:13:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Ouch. Not great choices here.
I really liked the poem...except for the last two lines. The poem used realistic imagery throughout, but the last lines went to imaginative imagery. I believe the poem would have been stronger if it highlighted the quandary of the decision: fit in and hang live with the "wrongness" feeling of hanging with criminals, or walk away to a world without friends. Ending in a word picture of a dark soul just didn't seem to fit.
Overall though, I liked the realistic imagery and feeling of the poem, and the choices presented for the poem's character--I think the poem is a very worthwhile read. |
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Re: Road Out, Or Road In.
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 12:18:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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awesome job
Michelle |
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Re: Road Out, Or Road In.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 2nd May 2004 @ 02:42:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I left a comment in your journal saying all I wanted to say. If you ever need to talk or vent send me a message. I'm here to help O.K.?
Your friend archie
P.S. I put a poem on the internet because of you talking about the tough choices a person has to make when they have no one to turn to. It is called "As close as I have been" I truly hope things get better for you. Your friend --Archie |
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Re: Road Out, Or Road In.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 08:37:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| good. has potential. |
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