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Not Seeing The Scar
Contributed by
bleeding_chains
on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 11:36:20 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
An elegant scar
That lays sleeping on my skin
Twisting words with razors
Glistening by the moonlight
Drawing lines that go along the winding road
To a lonely place that doesnt exist
Wash over with strawberries
Painted on white fluffy clouds
A lovely body
Covered with your lies
Your guilt
Eyes stapled shut
So you dont see the truth
You dont see the meaning
The meaning of all this
You just see the strawberries
In the summer garden
Watching white fluffy clouds float by
Not knowing the scar
No scar
Copyright ©
bleeding_chains
... [
2004-04-27 11:36:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Not Seeing The Scar
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 11:59:14 AM AEST
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The word pictures and imagery of this poem are really fantastic. The author has a wonderful mastery of interweaving contradictory word-pictures.
I liked this poem up to the line "Covered with your lies." The poem seemed to be one of both personally painful and happy imagery to that point, but then at the "Covered with your lies" line, turned to one of blame of another. The shift of focus seems a distraction to me, although I'm sure it won't be to others who read this work.
Even with my minor complaint, the poem seems well worth reading; in my opinion it's a mighty good piece. |
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Re: Not Seeing The Scar
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 01:07:09 PM AEST
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i don't see this poem with a shift of focus as such, but that the first part was more of an introduction and the second part seemed to lead more into the truth about why the first has an apparent dark tone to it..
i guess everyone interprets poems differently, which is why i love poetry so much, and to me this was an excellent poem which intrigued me and i was captivated by it.. great stuff, keep it up..
charlotte x_x_x |
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Re: Not Seeing The Scar
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 01:22:00 PM AEST
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| deep feelings and emotions. i like your idea of 'twisting words with razors' and eyes stapled shut'. they're really good! |
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Re: Not Seeing The Scar
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 8th May 2004 @ 05:06:03 PM AEST
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| another great write! i love your poetry. the way you describe things fascinates me. *hugs* phil xxx |
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