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Perfection: Loving Eyes
Contributed by
Black13
on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 11:47:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Your icy blue eyes haunt sweet dreams
and your voice enchantingly resonates in my seams.
My breath stolen and fate sealed by your kiss.
Who would have thought you would bring such bliss.
Making my world shatter in my head, spinning;
left without you, a minute, feels like drowning.
Moonlit strolls holding my baby's hand in mine
brings me to a place that always feels fine.
A girl like you will temper hate to love;
bringing to it's knees, even, heaven above.
Softly your fingertips dance gently over flesh,
and warm breath caresses my skin, so fresh.
When we dance it's always slowly atop a cloud.
When you sing of love divine to my soul aloud.
Drowning me in the deepest of all desires,
so much more intense than scorching solar fires.
Copyright ©
Black13
... [
2004-04-26 23:47:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 12:52:24 AM AEST
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Beautiful job, Black13! ...So passionate, sensual, and breath-taking! Great write!
~Nikki |
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 02:15:41 AM AEST
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| beautiful:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 04:26:41 AM AEST
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This poem starts off a little jerky, but ends up with some nice imagery and improves in its cadence as it moves along. Let me explain;
"Making my world shatter in my head, spinning;
left without you, a minute, feels like drowning."
I'd have wrote;
"My world, it shatters, spinning through my head
Minutes feel like hours, drowned in gasping dread"
As for the rest of the poem, you pick up the momentum after this point, and get down to some nice work.
"When we dance it's always slowly atop a cloud.
When you sing of love divine to my soul aloud."
That's good. I like that.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 04:30:48 AM AEST
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Sorry, my renditon should read;
"My world, it shatters, spinning through my head
Minutes feel like hours, drowned, alone in bed"
Anyway - that's my opinion. You don't have to listen to it. lol.
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 06:24:40 AM AEST
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Hi Black, this is really very lovely. I enjoyed it immensely.
From the friend who said hi and bye to you last night. |
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 12:06:47 PM AEST
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yet again beautifully done.
keep up the amazing work.
i cant wait to read more.
Arden |
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 27th April 2004 @ 12:38:43 PM AEST
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Beautiful sentiments. Love can be like that. I think I like the first two lines best.
Stitch |
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Re: Perfection: Loving Eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hurretje on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 02:07:34 AM AEST
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A truly wonderful ode to your love!
Greetz,
Hur |
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