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A secret room
Contributed by
SuperAsh16
on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 01:15:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
i walk into a room
i see nothing in there
i look around confused
with just a vacant stare
its dark in here
all lights are out
i wander further in
with loads of doubt
i follow the wall
around every inch of the room
the door slams shut
i must have met my doom
a crashing noise
a light turns loose
and in the middle
is a noose
a chair appears
this cant be right
i think im gonna
die tonight
i walk towards the center
i stand on the chair
the rope feels soothing
brushing over my hair
its grip tightens
this must be the end
i kick the chair away
i'll see you in hell, my friend
Copyright ©
SuperAsh16
... [
2004-04-26 01:15:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A secret room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 01:34:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I found this quite chilling a very dark write well done.
wildejohnny. |
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Re: A secret room
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 01:53:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| quite long, but simple. powerful. i enjoyed this deeply. thanks for sharing! |
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Re: A secret room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 03:55:34 AM AEST
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a Message)
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*shudder*
this one sent chills up my spine.
lol my boyfriend just read it and he wants me to tell you that your poem is going to give him nightmares hehe.
I must agree.
Excellent dark write...
Katie |
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Re: A secret room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remi on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 10:39:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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dark but good very good
remi |
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Re: A secret room
(User Rating: 1 )
by dormantwhispers on
Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 11:25:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I've already given you feedback on pretty much all of your poems already, but I felt like give you a comment to look at. Since you crave comments so much lol. It's good. I think you should use more punctuation though. It'd be a lot easier to read the poems that way you intend them.
Mmk. I think I'm done. Bye Ashy. |
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