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The End of the Sky
Contributed by
coaster
on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 04:16:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Finding the road that will lead me through
The right and wrong way will only lead back to you
Your high ways and your free ways
Will only cover the dark days
Maybe I'll lead to what I only send
Maybe I'll lead to what I only mend
And even when the circle comes to an end
Is when I realize you are more than a friend
Come apart as two only to combine as one
Gonna keep on traveling towards the gazing sun
Only depended on what it is that I have to hold
Concealed lies will only seem to have been told
Senses will blend the division between our air
It will seem through your dilated eyes I can only stair
And where we differ will only be at where we compare
Taking our minds and our souls to at which we will dare
Covered by the clouds and reaching out to the sky
Is at the moment all of our emotions will begin to tie
As if there is no use to loose cuz we've already won
Gonna keep on traveling towards the gazing sun
Copyright ©
coaster
... [
2004-04-25 16:16:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The End of the Sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jellybellyprincess on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 04:27:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I can't think of anything to change other than stupid little nit-picky things ( that really don't matter too much... )
Well, if you'd like a constructive comment.... I'll dig one up.....
Maybe you could add another couple of syllables in the "Is when I realize you're more than a friend" line.... maybe "when I realize you're more than just a lovely friend"?
Ack, that sucks, but you get the idea (see, I can't do with constructive comments) lol
But skip my idiotic "constructiveness" =)
Some of those lines in there were brilliant (ex: "The right and wrong way will only lead to you", the "maybe I'll lead" lines....)
You did an amazing job on this.
Love,
Ellen |
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Re: The End of the Sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 05:35:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I can't really see anything wrong with this either... but.., and there's always a but...the one thing that I like to see... and this is just me... is the title mentioned somewhere in the poem... usually at the end... like the last line or so. Hey that's just me though...
Really this is a nice write... keep writing... u've got great potential...
~Donna~ |
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