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The Left Middle Ring
Contributed by
2ndChance
on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 01:10:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
She wore her ring,
on her left hand,
to symbolize her love.
She held the ring,
close to her heart,
and prayed,
for you.
Did you know that?
It was too big,
for her.
She wore it on her middle finger,
but it would still slide off...
DId you know that?
When they found her,
mangled and torn,
unrecognizable,
she was calling for you.
Did you know that?
Her heart was breaking,
as she was dying
she held on for dear life,
to her ring.
The one you had given to her,
the one she wore on her middle finger,
on her left hand,
her last piece of you.
Did you know that?
The last words muttered,
as her eyes rested peacefully,
against her pale skin,
were "Daddy, I have your ring."
she died that day,
and her ring had fallen to the floor...
Did you know that?
Copyright ©
2ndChance
... [
2004-04-25 13:10:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Left Middle Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jellybellyprincess on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 01:16:18 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow.... this is stunning.
The image at the end with the fallen ring is just too great.
One thing I might suggest would be to space out the repetition a little more.... I didn't see it as too redundant, but maybe some might.....
Just a random thought =)
I love this write though..... you did an amazing job. And I really mean that too--- even if the spark DID come from one of those annoying chain letters (BLAST THEM ALL!!!) =)
Love,
Ellen |
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Re: The Left Middle Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by fallensilence on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 01:46:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| this is definately one of your best poems. i had to read it twice, it was so good. i can see how you could space out the repetition a bit more but its awesome already. GREAT job. -david |
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Re: The Left Middle Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 06:06:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
An impressive poem.
Kie |
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Re: The Left Middle Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 08:53:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
An emotive write. I enjoyed the way you drew me in, with accusatory prose.
Welcome to YPDC. |
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Re: The Left Middle Ring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on
Monday, 29th November 2004 @ 10:15:44 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Wow....this is...amazing. The poem is so vivid...so...unexpected...wow.... |
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