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an ending
Contributed by
vampyrekiss
on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 09:54:28 AM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
The evil man smiles
The child begins to cry,
The dead roll over in their graves,
The living start to die.
The sky falls all around you,
The ground rocks and groans.
The birds cease their singing.
Young women become crones.
And if I told you all of this,
And told you it was true,
And these things began to start,
It would mean the end of you.
And if I tried to save this place,
And the power was in my grasp,
And these things happened in the future,
I couldn't save the past.
So people say I'm lying,
So people say I'm wrong.
So maybe it won't happen,
So my words will not last long.
But you are reading them,
So maybe you will head,
And as this life is ending.
It's time for the dead to leave.
Copyright ©
vampyrekiss
... [
2004-04-25 09:54:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: an ending
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 01:07:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I liked everything about this poem except the ending. You have a solid grasp of rhyme, and I was beguiled by the flow of this write, where you employed vivid image after image to get me to where you wanted me to go.
"So maybe it won't happen,
So my words will not last long."
That was very good. Unfortunately, you didn't seem to employ the same amount of character in your end. I found that bit disappointing. Anyway - good write, overall.
4 stars. |
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Re: an ending
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 10:47:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice. |
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