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Nothing
Contributed by
SensitiveSoAbused
on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 05:05:53 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
I am sitting in my room...
In a brown chair
looking out the window...
Outside, yes,
the grass IS green.
and the sky IS blue.
it's beautiful
But all I can see
is sorrow and pain
and hurt, torment,
this is nothing new
black, death,
pain, insecurity,
anxiety,
this is nothing new
i want to cry
about my life,
i want to cry about it all
but i cant
and i want to die
but i wont
because i'm scared...
i'm so scared
that i cant sleep
and i wont eat
and my insides are being torn from me
and i want to hide
i need to hide...
i am so scared
of life, of living,
of death, of dying.
so badly i want to do both,
i want to do both
so ***** bad.
but i want to do
NEITHER.
I am sitting here with
tears that want to flow,
sadness that wants to show...
but i ***** can't
i ***** CAN'T
...there's just too much hurt...
so all that's left
is anger
and hate
this is nothing new
loathing,
despise,
this is nothing new
...this is nothing...
'i can do great things
i can be a great man'
i will be nothing...
you all,
none of you
can understand that i won't
be able to take this,
i can hardly take it now
i just smile and act cheery
because it can get by you all
and i seem normal.
i've learned not to express
my true emotions
my true feelings
because you all tell me
to cheer up, and
it'll get better.
look on the bright side...
you would hate me
if you knew what i really thought.
how i really felt.
"That guy is an ***** loser"
(that's what you'd say,
that's what you've said)
this is nothing new
this is nothing
so i'll be cheerful.
and i'll smile, and
pretend
that everything's ok.
and inside i'll hate you,
as i hate myself,
as you hate me inside.
this is all i can anticipate,
and yes,
if i get up from this brown chair
and put down this keyboard
and threw myself through this window
i WOULD bleed when the glass broke,
when i landed on the fence...
i would feel the wood tear my skin,
the muscle...
and for a moment
my eyes would be wide
for a moment...
i would not breathe.
and then all in an instant,
the pain would shoot
throughout my entire body,
i would gasp and cry out..
(maybe for you)
my face would contort,
my fingers stiffen,
my skin go white as my muscles
clench
and my body, misshapen...
This is all.
This is the escape
I saw the Perfect building to jump off of
dowtown.
I stared at it for fifteen minutes,
imagining.
It was so high
i was so high
and one day soon i will realize
the invalidity of all my fears
and i will jump.
(it's on Fort St.)
i will jump,
because nothing will matter anymore...
So, I'd like you to continue
ignoring me.
I'd like you to continue
thinking that it's all in my head.
I'd like you to continue
casting me aside...
this way you won't have to worry
Don't Worry.
I'll be dead soon.
And you won't have to ignore me.
You can smile,
just like I did,
and pretend it's all ok.
Copyright ©
SensitiveSoAbused
... [
2004-04-23 17:05:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 05:17:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
This was so incredibly morbid and heartwrenching. I absolutely loved how you wrote this.
Such skill and ability in your writing.
Very nice. Very dark. I enjoyed reading it. |
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Re: Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 05:19:43 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Wow. I really like this one. The phrases in italics especially. "this is nothing new - this is nothing" Ahhhh. They give the poem a depth that feels so right. You also used repetition quite well. The imagery is not able to be ignored either. Excellent piece, indeed. |
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Re: Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 05:27:58 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
this IS making me cry... you dont have to hide what you feel we never asked you to do that..if i did i didnt mean too..im sure they didnt either. im sorry. such a get wrenching poem. so sad, and true and emotional...
*hugs* phil x |
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Re: Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Juggalette_chick666pk on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 06:33:02 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
This was so full of emotion, I loved this write seemd to make me wanna sit and cry but only the other hand I wanted to say wow. Nice write I'm looking forward to seeing more.
-Victoria- |
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