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Bold as Words
Contributed by
coaster
on
Thursday, 22nd April 2004 @ 06:46:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The air at which we compare will slip our eyes into stair
Taking our souls to where at which our minds will never dare
And at what i attest may not put the moon at rest
Absorbent pours of the openings are what I possess
The array of the times stay will lead you all but astray
It will never be at what I betray that will make the clouds decay
Though I wonder about the shadows that comes from today
Only to come to realize it’s only the time I must delay
The suns shadow will be soon to only shine on me
The soul captives of the blue bus will become free
Your tension in our relaxation will begin to only ease
And where your emotions lead is at where your mind will please
Outbreak the barriers and everything you would conceal
The division between fiction and reality are only so real
Copyright ©
coaster
... [
2004-04-22 18:46:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bold as Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Thursday, 22nd April 2004 @ 06:55:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like how this was written. It has a very different rythm to it.
I think you should have seperated the lines though. I think that would have made it much more powerful and would have helped significantly with the flow. |
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Re: Bold as Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 22nd April 2004 @ 07:53:52 PM AEST
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Maybe it's just me, but these long lines are difficult. Could just be that it's late. I like the line about the soul captives and the blue bus.
Stitch |
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Re: Bold as Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Thursday, 22nd April 2004 @ 10:45:56 PM AEST
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the rhyming scheme is so carefully penned it's sickening! i like the writing style though, fair trade-off i think... good stuff! ;0)
~Remy~ |
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