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Thus The Road Ends
Contributed by
shahan
on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 02:12:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
In the depth of midnight,
In a sleepy world,
A shadow is formed to drown the pain.
Almost all the life is spent,
A little is left, too little.
And living amidst the emptiness,
I face the world.
Isolation haunts the colors.
My trusts sink in black and white.
Just like a dancing doll,
I dance, as I have to.
Life is a torn carpet,
And living becomes tiresome.
Past was the love,
Present is the wing of despair,
Leaving the dreams in a casket,
I build the future.
The dawn brings no light,
A chilled wind grasps the existence,
And I start to sell all my beliefs.
Still silent silence silently rings a bell,
And I, helpless I,
Wait for a rage.
A rage to shake the world.
A rage to rip all the bonds.
Then the news comes,
There would be no revolution.
Copyright ©
shahan
... [
2004-04-20 14:12:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Thus The Road Ends
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 02:30:17 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Really well done, great use of words that gave me images! Great job! |
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Re: Thus The Road Ends
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 02:45:17 PM AEST
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hum... no revolution? damn... dunno what to think of it. great writing, still... leaves me wondering...
~Remy~ |
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Re: Thus The Road Ends
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 03:07:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I was left confused by this write, as the images (however vivid and provocative) were in themselves disjointed and spoiled the flow of your thoughtstream, in my opinion. Let me try and point this out.
"Life is a torn carpet,
And living becomes tiresome"
I assumed you were about to evolve the muse on colors and the dance of the doll, and was left slightly disappointed, as they ended up as separate entities within the space of four lines. The rest of the poem continues on in this way, where, in my eyes, you wasted the potential of the rather potent images you conjured. Anyway - that's my opinion. PM me if you disagree with anything I've said.
Keep writing. |
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