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Woods Forever Beautiful
Contributed by
night_child
on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 07:44:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
The deadened trees
Their leaves so lifeless on the ground
The hungry crow that prowls
Looking for the damned
To save its starving stomach
So loudly it does caw
As it circles high above
On the ground
The deer does walk
Upon the cold dead earth
Rummaging through such mess
In hope of finding
Just one blade of grass
All around you the stench is
Of rotting leaves
On such moist earth
The cloudy gray it looms around
Slowly creeping
Taking over
These dark woods
So here and now
I wish I was
Sitting in those woods
Seeing the strange life
The Goddess has created
I love these woods
And the beauty within them
Copyright ©
night_child
... [
2004-04-19 19:44:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Woods Forever Beautiful
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ramuel on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 08:33:14 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is the best poem I've read on this site. I'm reminded of Mary Oliver alot by this style. I love nature, this is a peice I can really feel. Theres not too much I can say about how to improve this peice. It might benifit if you changed the order of some of the stanzas. It might change the dynamic a bit. If now the poem stanzas are in order A,B,C,D,E,F, I suggest the order A,C,B,D,F,E. Also, in the third stanza it says, "on the ground/the deer does walk/upon the cold dead earth." Thats maybe just a tad repititious. You might just take out the first line of that stanza. None of these things I've mentions detract much at all from the current state of the poem, however. Exellent peice. 5 out of 5, indeed.
-Ramuel :) |
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Re: Woods Forever Beautiful
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 09:13:54 PM AEST
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Nicely written. I almost felt as if I was there in the woods with you. :-)
Whisper |
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Re: Woods Forever Beautiful
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 02:34:22 PM AEST
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I liked the striking contrast. Very well written and worded.
Take care.
David |
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Re: Woods Forever Beautiful
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 04:37:28 PM AEST
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| wonderful:) hugs n' love nessa |
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