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MODERN PRELUDE
Contributed by
PRECIOUSBECKY
on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 06:24:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Standing at a crossroad
Walking down a screw way street
Why so many obstacles do I meet.......
like this putrid heat
of desert-
And from which MODERN PRELUDE
shall I drink-
And what will the pondering statues
of men think?
And will the earth crumble beneath my feet-
Quick Sand_
And in which hand
will you be standing?
Will I drag you down with me..................
to drown in this deep blue sea..
that seems to have appeared out of nowhere.
Copyright ©
PRECIOUSBECKY
... [
2004-04-18 18:24:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: MODERN PRELUDE
(User Rating: 1 )
by creed on
Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 07:41:51 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| very cool. i like it!! |
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Re: MODERN PRELUDE
(User Rating: 1 )
by ebonystiletto on
Saturday, 8th May 2004 @ 04:15:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Becky- I like this poem for many reasons:
- the fact that it draws me into it... makes me believe I'm the speaker..
- the breaks on the line patterns are wonderfly placed
-and overall the grammar is really nice
I would suggest fixing:
- lines 6, 8, 10, and 12.... they all start the same. try using periods or semicolins to your advantage so you don't have to keep repeating "and will" |
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