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Wouldn't Heaven Be Okay?

Contributed by Jeff_Scott_Morehead on Saturday, 17th April 2004 @ 11:12:35 AM in AEST
Topic: Grief

Wouldn’t Heaven Be Okay?
-------------------------------------
I still catch myself crying in my room,
A little boy filled with doom.
Barely old enough to understand why,
My mommy had to die.

Daddy said it for the best,
That her body went on to rest.
And that her spirit went on home,
In heaven is where it rooms.

But tell me daddy, what about us?
I’m not trying to make a fuss.
But don’t we need her more that they?
Without her wouldn’t heaven be okay?

Could Jesus change his mind?
Bring this moment back in time.
To a day when mom was here,
If only for a year.

Please daddy help me pray,
Ask Jesus to say okay.
I know you miss her as much as I
I’ve seen the tears in your eyes.

I know daddy, her body was so weak,
That she barely could even speak.
I guess I’ll never understand,
Please daddy hold my hand.

Copyright © Jeff_Scott_Morehead ... [ 2004-04-17 11:12:35]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Wouldn't Heaven Be Okay? (User Rating: 1 )
by Ramuel on Saturday, 17th April 2004 @ 11:37:58 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Good emotion. I like the rhyming and flow, it turned out well. If you ever revise this one, you should think about fixing up the punctuation a little, its not very important, but it could be fixed a little. In the second stanza, did you mean to end with roams, or rooms? Rooms fits well as it is. I think this is a good poem overall. The little things I mentioned are just me being nitpicky, dont stress about it or anything...

-Ramuel

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