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duel
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Monday, 12th April 2004 @ 02:41:53 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
I died tonight,
feeling your pain like a sword strike through the heart,
fighting a duel of love to the death,
first to admit how they feel,
will be the first to fall,
so strike me down,
because i sold you my heart in payment for yours,
but you gave it away,
just to feel the power of doing so,
you tore me apart,
and now im just a loveless shell that used to house a heart...
so deal the deathblow to me,
because it is better that way,
it doesnt make a difference anyway,
because i have already died...
so do you feel powerful now?
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2004-04-12 14:41:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: duel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Monday, 12th April 2004 @ 02:44:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Only maybe the ending seems a little forced. Otherwise it is among your best writes.
Stitch |
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Re: duel
(User Rating: 1 )
by reilt on
Monday, 12th April 2004 @ 02:48:03 PM AEST
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| i loved this...it seemed to just flow to me...i don't know if you meant to post it as being in bold type throughout and then the last line in plain print...either way...it's very effective...because you're asking this person if they feel powerful when in fact the poem and the way it's presented here kinda gives you a power...it's your way of dealing with the emotion and having that ability really does evoke a feeling of powerfullness...i hope you are ok...take care |
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Re: duel
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Tuesday, 13th April 2004 @ 12:41:38 PM AEST
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i loved this. its full of depth and emotion. just awesome. really great write. keep it up.
Arden |
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Re: duel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Thursday, 15th April 2004 @ 08:14:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Aha, feuding lovers...makes for a very interesting read. I don't think it sounds forced at all; on the other hand I think the whole flow of the poem was pretty good and as Jarred said skipping a line before the last line gave it more impact. Well done. |
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