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Cut
Contributed by
JustScream715
on
Saturday, 10th April 2004 @ 07:48:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Across my palm I slice the skin.
The blade cuts deep.
I sat across from you .
You yelled, “ Callie! Why?”
A million answers run across my mind.
I don’t dare speak a single word.
You ran across the room to the telephone.
They send me across town to a place called ‘Sea Pines’.
There are no seas and no pines, just crazy people with problems,
Like me.
Across the room at group therapy the anorexic girls cry together.
I stay hard as stone.
My secret is to much.
I get a happy feeling from cutting my skin.
I smile at the blood dripping across my wrists.
I am a Cutter.
Copyright ©
JustScream715
... [
2004-04-10 19:48:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Cut
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Saturday, 10th April 2004 @ 07:55:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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omg that hit home.. being someone who's been in a place like that because of self-harm, with 'crazy people' as your poem spoke of, i can totally relate to this.. one day i will get around to reading that book..
brilliant poem though..
charlotte x_x_x |
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Re: Cut
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 10th April 2004 @ 10:18:07 PM AEST
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I liked that book. Yes, that book was intriguing and definitely a worthwhile read.
I wish I could say the same about this poem.
Blood, for one, falls down. I'm not sure if it's the effect of being in la-la-land, but I've never seen it drip across someone's wrist.
Secondly, this poem altogether possesses no center, and barely qualifies to be a poem--I'm not being mean, I'm just saying that if you delete a few enters it's a perfectly crappy paragraph.
Not to nit-pick, but I'm hoping "much" is a state or a place, or else you've made the taboo of using the wrong 'too' too.
Now I'd forgive you if it was 'to' AM there, but who in her right mind posts the gibberish they spew at obscure hours?
Now, yes to nit-pick:
Change in tense was erratic and unexplained; There was no explanation to "staying as hard as stone." For all we know, that could be something only the lewd would like to know about.
To be honest with you, there's very little wrong with the poem.
...besides the fact that you practically ruin a decent book.
Keep 'em coming--no matter what you do, I'm sure you'll improve. |
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Re: Cut
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Saturday, 10th April 2004 @ 11:30:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice work |
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