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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 06:42:52 AEST

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Together

Contributed by boricuacd on Friday, 9th April 2004 @ 05:12:32 AM in AEST
Topic: ambiguous

Jumping, climbing, screaming, yelling,
Whining, friendly banter. Hitting, kicking, Pulling, spitting, loving laughter. Pushing, Shoving, telling, crying, together ever after.

Together they play, together they grow, Together they fight and then laughter.
Apart they forget, Apart they regret and forgive Much faster.

Loving together, Quareling forever, but Together ever after.

Copyright © boricuacd ... [ 2004-04-09 05:12:32]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Together (User Rating: 1 )
by Jellybellyprincess on Friday, 9th April 2004 @ 06:43:48 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Nicely done!
That sort of a situation is hard to explain, but you did it well. Very well!
One thing I might suggest would be maybe to add line breaks in there to seperate some of the different tones the words take. Like "hitting kicking pulling spitting" could be seperated by a line from "loving laughter". You know, give the seperate ideas some room of their own. Let them define themselves.
But yeah, I think this is a marvelous write. Especially some of the more interesting verbs you use. Very nicely done!

God bless,
Ellen

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