|
Menu
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
Together
Contributed by
boricuacd
on
Friday, 9th April 2004 @ 05:12:32 AM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
Jumping, climbing, screaming, yelling,
Whining, friendly banter. Hitting, kicking, Pulling, spitting, loving laughter. Pushing, Shoving, telling, crying, together ever after.
Together they play, together they grow, Together they fight and then laughter.
Apart they forget, Apart they regret and forgive Much faster.
Loving together, Quareling forever, but Together ever after.
Copyright ©
boricuacd
... [
2004-04-09 05:12:32] (Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment. That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Together
(User Rating: 1 ) by Jellybellyprincess on
Friday, 9th April 2004 @ 06:43:48 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Nicely done!
That sort of a situation is hard to explain, but you did it well. Very well!
One thing I might suggest would be maybe to add line breaks in there to seperate some of the different tones the words take. Like "hitting kicking pulling spitting" could be seperated by a line from "loving laughter". You know, give the seperate ideas some room of their own. Let them define themselves.
But yeah, I think this is a marvelous write. Especially some of the more interesting verbs you use. Very nicely done!
God bless,
Ellen |
|
|
|