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Wondrous Road
Contributed by
garyh
on
Wednesday, 7th April 2004 @ 08:10:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
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Riding along the sheltered road
Patient times awaiting the older minds
Gracious steps towards the elder soul
Waiting for the time, my time to drive
The sleek beauty of the monstrous beast
Gorgeous curves on the red slick sides
Beauty overwhelming the defenseless body
Feeling the road of dangerous curves
Swiftly and softly when turns are made
My time will come one glorious night
To own the beauty of the road
Copyright ©
garyh
... [
2004-04-07 20:10:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wondrous Road
(User Rating: 1 )
by williamdye on
Wednesday, 7th April 2004 @ 08:22:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Reminds me of lovemaking! Good Job |
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Re: Wondrous Road
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Thursday, 8th April 2004 @ 02:01:12 AM AEST
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| this is what i REALLY think. i htink that this poem is very unsubstantial. it talks about cars and driving. this is not a poem that captures my attention, this is a poem that makes me rather check my latest 'best lap' times on gran turismo a-spec then finish reading it. i find i have a hard time understanding how the chassis of a car can be overwhelmed by beauty. i just cant get my head around that. if you were to do all you could to possibly make this an interesting poem, you would use imagery. so i can see what you are talking about. 'the sun is gleaming off the glistening red paint as the ferns and pines rush by. the wind wrestles my hair as i laugh out loud at the vast cerulean sky' something like that. good luck. im gonna go play grand turismo. talk to me if you want any help |
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Re: Wondrous Road
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Thursday, 8th April 2004 @ 02:03:22 AM AEST
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| and i meant to say body not chassis by the way |
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Re: Wondrous Road
(User Rating: 1 )
by morelikelyrics on
Friday, 9th April 2004 @ 05:24:53 PM AEST
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No worries garyh,
This one should be more than perfect for class
Excellent write, I loved the way you relate everything to the theme of the road.
One, suggestion... try no to use the word curves twice... just an idea
~let life be your lyrical song, everyday's the words, every year is a verse, because in the end, there is no 'repeat'~
-Morelikelyrics |
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Re: Wondrous Road
(User Rating: 1 )
by garyh on
Friday, 9th April 2004 @ 10:43:51 PM AEST
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| ummmm... just so people know i did edit this poem, and i handed it in already... so no more use of posting here... thanks anyways. |
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