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Urban Sprawl
Contributed by
thumper
on
Saturday, 3rd April 2004 @ 03:00:02 AM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
Don't get irate at me
For plowing through your store
It just wasn't here, you see
A couple 'o years before
When last I came this way
This ancient route I took
I've really got to say
It knocked me for a loop!
I was minding my own business
As I was travelling along
All of a sudden I got confused
Everything was ALL wrong
The ancient path I followed
Led right through your front door
Next thing I knew, I was right there
Smack dab inside your store!
The humans screamed and hollered
And threw a can or two
I lurched this way and that
Knocked over a bunch of food
I didn't know where to go
They scared me half to death!
It must have been quite a show
'Cause I haven't been back there yet!
I spied my beloved forest
Up front, outside your store
So I sprinted there so fast
My hooves clattering on your floor
There was a wall in front of me
No problem, I can clear that
I leapt with thoughts 'I'm free,I'm free'
Then resistance put me in check!
It lasted only a second or three
Then broke and tinkled all around
I pitched forward, then I was free!
As I hastily ran and covered ground
My nightmare was at an end
As I put my 'Four on the Floor'
So don't get irate at me, my friend
For plowing through your store!
Copyright ©
thumper
... [
2004-04-03 03:00:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Urban Sprawl
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Saturday, 3rd April 2004 @ 07:00:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| LMFAO....that was so freaking funny, if I were the deer I'd never go near those crazy, paranoid, screaming humans ever again, lol. Great write! |
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Re: Urban Sprawl
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 3rd April 2004 @ 08:38:09 AM AEST
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Another sterling piece, thumper.
I liked the way you rhymed it, and the subject matter is a very pertinent 'Ancient Route' . . .
Thanks for sharing. |
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Re: Urban Sprawl
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Tuesday, 6th April 2004 @ 01:41:56 AM AEST
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| Veryy good..let the deer go to its woods...nice poem ...venkat |
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Re: Urban Sprawl
(User Rating: 1 )
by rhymeandreason on
Tuesday, 6th April 2004 @ 04:50:46 AM AEST
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Good write. I like the story from the deers perspective. Average deer as average Joe.
Works for me. Also a deer with mitigating circumstance. Hey there people! I'm on the ancient trail. My only rhyme story where a deer factors in was a car hit doe that I ran into,(on foot, not with a vehicle!) on Interstate 10-west approx. 28 miles out of downtown San Antone, Tex. on a real cold night. If you want,you can find this deers hardluck story on my homepage under: "Trying
to Hitch-Hike out of San Antonio on the Coldest night in 123 Years." That doe left an impression on me that's stuck with me close to twenty years. Also want to thank you for your comments on, "Once Upon a Mystic Rhyme." I'm glad you liked it. I try and read some of the works of people that were nice enough to check mine out. Your,"Urban Sprawl was the first one I keyed on and I liked the wordcraft, story angle, flow and ending. Anywhere you go that adds up to a solid write.
I'm sure that i'll be posting on others by you. Keep at it. Your good. Talk to you on the round-a-bout. R&R
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Re: Urban Sprawl
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 10th January 2005 @ 01:09:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Around here it's bears as well as deer. This was a nice description of what happened from the deer's perspective. (I remember the news article.) Cheers! |
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