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Eternity
Contributed by
parkman
on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 04:50:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Sleep my angel, sleep
As I take the breath from thee
Weep my angel, weep
As I suck the blood from thee
Scream my angel, scream
As I rip the soul from thee
Die my angel, die
As life you give to me
Live my angel, live
Like me, for all eternity
Copyright ©
parkman
... [
2004-03-30 16:50:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Eternity
(User Rating: 1 )
by GeorgeJamesDelgado on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 05:07:06 PM AEST
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| The rhymes are fairly well timed. I'm not really into dark poetry, but I think that there is not very much feeling in this poem, although with some restructuring it could have promise. |
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Re: Eternity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Remy on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 05:09:16 PM AEST
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erg... scary, makes me NOT want to think about eternity! lol, good poetic construction thou!! ;0)
~Remy~ |
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Re: Eternity
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Wednesday, 31st March 2004 @ 06:42:31 AM AEST
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What others have said is tried and true--it's very likely this poem sprouted not from your heart but found itself crafted in your mind. I don't know about what other say, but there's a certain touch that gives a poem its vitality, the sincerity of emotion that turns words into tears.
Naturally, a poem of this calibur wouldn't possess much of it. The eerie, fatalistic (and almost gleeful) darkness that pervades the rhymes is something very few people could ever actually feel. I personally think it's of laudable ingenuity, so I can't see why someone would think a lack of emotion would be so problematic--in some cases it's merely a lack of communication (others have told me so, and I knew it was otherwise).
Cleverly done.
"Spin the wisdoms into gems; priceless truths form prism hems."
~The Palatine Poet |
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