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Precipitation
Contributed by
EternitysLyre
on
Thursday, 25th March 2004 @ 09:07:20 AM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
The rain splashes life onto the concrete
Everywhere around the world, everybody’s lying
There’s nothing better than a puddle of sky
And umbrellas are truth’s worst enemy
Sometimes it’s so windy I regret bringing my jacket
Delicious cold swirling through my skin
Nothing beats the mild murky mornings
Have you ever noticed how the clouds look better in ripples?
Or how the sun seems more enchanting on the waves?
Don’t you love the way reflections dance about?
A liquid sapphire gathered on the asphalt
It’s music, how the drops dance devilish disco on the jewels
It never feels better than to have rain soak up my hair
Just the way it’s a wave of fate’s needles
Everyone thinks it’s a horrible thing
As if there could be no worse addition to their miserable day
(everyday?)
I think it’s a great way to get clean
Drink the coolness through your skin
Cup a bit of the clouds in your palm
Admire the rivulets of relaxation
Let the stress just drizzle away
Everywhere around the world, everybody’s crying
There’s always something that just deprecates their day
Things always seem worse, and—oh look! It’s raining!
“Could it be any worse today?”
(Feel the thunder rumble in your head)
I should’ve brought my umbrella, I knew it!
(Watch the lightning’s glare drown out the rest)
Everywhere around the world, bitter smiles lying
Everywhere around the world, inner children dying.
Copyright ©
EternitysLyre
... [
2004-03-25 09:07:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Precipitation
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 25th March 2004 @ 09:15:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Interesting, I'll give you that. "I think it’s a great way to get clean". That's a nice idea, although I hope you're not talking literally . . .
Indeed, you include many lovely images here, so much so that they almost rhyme theirselves, in my mind;
"Have you ever noticed how the clouds look better in ripples?
Or how the sun seems more enchanting on the waves?"
Anyway - this is as good as free-verse gets in my eye, as I'm clueless as to what the pinnacle of free-verse actually is.
And yes - I think i'm hopeless at it too. I'm far more comfortable being a slave to the R&R . . . |
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Re: Precipitation
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Thursday, 25th March 2004 @ 10:17:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| To be frankly honest, I really like this writing style the best by you. I thought it was excellent, filled with great imagery, every line seemed to compliment the one before and after and it was clear and understandable. I wish you would write like this more often! Seriously it was awesome. Well done, well done, well done! Kie |
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Re: Precipitation
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Thursday, 25th March 2004 @ 04:37:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is quite good actually, nothing I can see wrong with it. The free verse is a departure from your norm, but no less of a gem.
Your descriptions paint a stunning scene (since, after all, your way with words is unmatched). As for being horrible at free verse--if this is bad, I don't wanna see good!
Truly,
-V.S. |
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Re: Precipitation
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Saturday, 3rd April 2004 @ 09:07:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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heavenly write you have here eternity... very much a great work of art. you are a master with words; you paint a very vivid picture here. thank you
Lindsey |
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