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Crucify Me... (Revised)
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Monday, 15th March 2004 @ 06:05:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Please crucify me...
I'm bleeding, just to see if I'm alive
I'm crying, just to express what's going on inside
I'm screaming, just to block out the noise inside
I'm running, trying to get away from my monsters
Please crucify me...
As the cold seeps through my bones
As the silence is broken by pain-filled moans
My joints begin to atrophy amidst the terrible silence
Which gives birth to self-inflicted violence
Please crucify me...
As I make marks upon my skin
Trying to chase away these thoughts of sin
As I scream and foam at these voices
Trying not to give in to their macabre choices
Please crucify me...
I cut myself open gratuitously
And I know these emotions will flee,
But I begin to shake and grow pale
As I hold hands with Pain and with it I sail
Please crucify me...
Because with these mental disorders I belong
As the clock strikes midnight with 12 bongs
It tortures my brain in unknown ways
Leaving me manic and paranoid for days
Please crucify me...
As I pray in my weakness to God,
But he ignores me as I am forgotten and flawed
I tug at His cloak and he swipes me aside
Paying no heed these many tears I've cried
Please crucify me...
I'm bleeding, out of simple necessity
I'm crying, just because I can't cope
I'm screaming, because I can't do this anymore and...
I'm running, but I can't get away from this torment!
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2004-03-15 18:05:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Monday, 15th March 2004 @ 06:38:39 PM AEST
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I think you succeded in your attempt brilliantly.
This is a masterpiece my friend.
Very well written.
Larry |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lionel on
Monday, 15th March 2004 @ 06:46:54 PM AEST
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| Sounds like you are being crucified already. Good poem though. |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by JadedExistence on
Monday, 15th March 2004 @ 11:04:57 PM AEST
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This is awsome. I have to agree that I think you did succeed. I can relate so much to this and I have to say thank you for writing it, I could never have put it so vividly.
~JadedExistence~ |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnGeL_M on
Tuesday, 16th March 2004 @ 03:49:14 AM AEST
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Very Well Written....
........Great Work.........
.........Love........AnGeL.......
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Tuesday, 16th March 2004 @ 03:03:10 PM AEST
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mm.. raw emotions are just pouring out of this.. good stuff joel :)
charlotte xx |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by yellow_sundragon on
Tuesday, 16th March 2004 @ 08:47:37 PM AEST
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I think that you described your inner turmoil... and... Joel, it's exquisite... simply amazing.
Another great one,
*J* |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Wednesday, 17th March 2004 @ 11:34:16 PM AEST
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| Bobo, this is a great write my friend. You described your inner turmoil so vividly. *S* Cynthia |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chanti on
Thursday, 18th March 2004 @ 07:34:06 PM AEST
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| I ***** loved it. The first few lines blew me away |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Broken_Skin on
Friday, 19th March 2004 @ 09:10:08 AM AEST
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| youre are very trouble bobo my friend, i feel for you, havent spoke to you for a while. Try to stay ontop try to beat whats hurting you. gem x youre a fantastic poet |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by CuttersAngel on
Thursday, 25th March 2004 @ 11:59:59 AM AEST
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| And you say you can't write like me?? That's probably better than what I write!!! Loved it.. |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by cryingonmyporch on
Friday, 26th March 2004 @ 01:23:15 AM AEST
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This is the first time I have ever liked any poem revised very very well written. Loved the way it is put together!
~Amy |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Tuesday, 30th March 2004 @ 08:56:29 PM AEST
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| very good job Joel, i loved it. |
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Re: Crucify Me... (Revised)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Soulless on
Sunday, 4th April 2004 @ 10:49:54 PM AEST
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I love the redundence used every first line of the stanza. Your different writing techniques really shine in my eyes. Exellent write.
Kisses,
~Soulless~ |
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