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Wake Up!
Contributed by
srugglingyoungster
on
Tuesday, 9th March 2004 @ 11:20:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Wake Up!
What are these feelings I fear?
What more do I have to see?
The demons inside me,
they all disagree.
What do I do?
Where can I run?
Where can I hide?
Tell me when my death is near.
So I can cry,
so I can remember
all my good times
that will disappear.
"Nothing is fair!"
that’s what I’m told
The words they come out so bitter,
so cold.
That line is getting old,
fading, it means nothing anymore.
Those words I can no longer adore.
So stop with all the little lies!
No more need, I understand.
Look me in the eye,
and don’t you dare tell another lie!
Just wake up!
Forget about pride,
Forget about egos
what does that do to relate with me?
It's my life!
Get away from me
before I snap and explode!
Don’t tell me another lie,
I can handle the truth just fine.
I need someone I can love,
I need someone who will care!
Can’t I have just that one favor?
or am I just as visible as vapor?!
For all I lack, ill make up in words.
The real world is scary,
but i'm ready to face it.
So just wake up!
Bring the challenge!
I can handle it all on my own.
Copyright ©
srugglingyoungster
... [
2004-03-09 23:20:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wake Up!
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 10th March 2004 @ 12:01:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| The poem seems adequate, but it reads too much like a cliché. I'm absolutely certain I've read the first six lines of this poem in other similar poems--although not in that order--following similar themes. If one is to say something familiar, the trick is to say it in a new way. This poem is okay, but it's rehashed verbiage and themes makes for some dry reading. |
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Re: Wake Up!
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on
Wednesday, 10th March 2004 @ 03:45:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is alot of pent up agression and loneliness being spewed onto paper... Quite a rant you had going here. I don't think the first commentor meant to say you stole the first six lines... maybe they were unaware that everything has already been said in one way or another about six million times over and again, there is never anything new
under the sun. You could be a little more creative in this writting, but it is more a release of anger and frustration through words, then a fully orchestrated, colourfull masterpiece. The first commentor must have been grumpy, don't take it too seriously =) |
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