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Ending It all
Contributed by
perfection
on
Thursday, 4th March 2004 @ 08:12:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Can you tell me if life will get better now?
I feel like an ugly, plain, fat cow.
I am being beat by my anorexic ways.
I feel like a fake, my life is a series of plays.
Lose 10 pounds is my first goal.
If I do I can get rid of every roll
90 pounds, is that too much to ask?
I want to hide, go away, be covered by a mask.
Stupid, is what people, that know, tend to call me.
That’s why I stopped saying stuff people let me be.
I want to be skinny again.
Be able to have food without worrying that it’s a sin.
Why is it that anorexia for me is the best?
I need a tutor to help me pass my test,
Because between life and me, I have failed.
I have so many restrictions, I feel like I’m jailed.
I need to lose A LOT of weight.
It’s horrible that the way I look is one thing I hate.
Everyday and night I worry and gain more stress.
I want to live less and less.
I can't believe all the sins I have done.
The sky is dark and gloomy, I see no sun.
My life is depressing it causes me to cry.
All the time I wonder what it would be life for me to die.
At least I would end this mess that my life has become.
I would no longer have to deal with being called dumb.
I wouldn’t have to bother anyone with my fears.
Never again would my pillow be filled with tears.
I know this seems like the easy way out.
But you try living a life filled with doubt.
Anorexia is my way to deal.
But in no way is it helping me heal.
All the ways I use to handle my stress.
Just seems to make my life a bigger mess.
Everything I think of ends the same way.
Death, it’s creeping up on me, day by day.
I’m not scared though, who cares if I die.
At least I would no longer have to live a lie.
I’m always wondered about Steve up above.
I’d get to meet my big brother, tell him that he is loved.
Maybe for once I would feel loved and calm
The stress would be gone; I’d no longer be a time bomb
I have some good days but more are bad
Depression is settling in, my mood goes from hyper to sad
In cheerleading I fly through the air
When I get dropped, it doesn’t matter; I don’t care
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to die
Would I ever again feel the pain that makes me cry?
I know that I have some scary thoughts
Just watch as I slowly die and my body rots.
January 21, 2004
Copyright ©
perfection
... [
2004-03-04 20:12:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Ending It all
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Thursday, 4th March 2004 @ 08:43:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is very emotional... all that u describe except for being anorexic is what I went thru my sophomore year of high school... I delt with it and it was hard... but I'm still here... mostly by the grace of God...
A good write... keep up the good work!!!
love, hugs
~Donna~ |
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Re: Ending It all
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 4th March 2004 @ 09:54:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I've been there, too. I was a freshman and down under 100 lbs. My 11 year old daughter weighs more than that now. It's a hard road. You want to be perfect. Even feel you must be perfect. Takes a long time to work past that. Keep writing. This is good stuff.
Stitch |
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