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The Warm Cold
Contributed by
desireemiote
on
Sunday, 29th February 2004 @ 10:34:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
A warmth exudes from this, my within
Never lost now forever true there
Rejected sometimes even by close mine kin
We kiss by only now because they care
Its love, mine but need a true return
Never from false when do the yet my way
My heart from love in one to see my burn
He bring in heart an old to time in day
Becoming weak he make mine feel to cold
A weakness strengthens within heart mine too
A frail something yet in still mine bold
A triumph yet absent in hours few
My love he yet to give return to me
My strongest feelings now he made to weak
Copyright ©
desireemiote
... [
2004-02-29 22:34:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Warm Cold
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Sunday, 29th February 2004 @ 11:41:36 PM AEST
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| This is really good! Good job! |
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Re: The Warm Cold
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Monday, 1st March 2004 @ 10:13:06 AM AEST
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I take this to be an english sonnet, also known as the Shakespearian sonnet. Not to nit pick at what is a considerable attempt at an impossible poetry form, your iambic pentameter falls astray in several points. Rest assured, the sonnet is a literary gem, and impossible to forge. This one already shows you're eras beyond the free verse that characterize most of the aspiring poets today.
“To be quick to find fault in others is nothing; the TRUE cynic can find the Achilles’ heel in fried tuna.”
~The Palatine Poet |
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