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silent girls burden
Contributed by
neglected1
on
Sunday, 22nd February 2004 @ 07:42:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Silent girls burden
Solitary thoughts not willing to share
Sensitive feelings a burden she bares
The road fo so long a darkened back street
Unprepared for encounters she'd possibly meet
Contentment had been an impossible dream
Belief that it could now appear so obscene
The joy she once knew too hard to obtain
Left in the past replaced now with pain
Her doughts her desires, all that she fears
Once far away now suddenly seem near
Conflict of reason choices to make
Ineviatable burdens, no room for mistakes
Proud of success she'd always achieved
That's not going to change, she has to believe
Strength is her guide as was once before
A power she feels that can't be ignored
Time has begun to end her life's dance
No longer relying on fates game of chance
No time to run blind and waiting to fall
It's time to stand up, and take destiny's thrill
Copyright ©
neglected1
... [
2004-02-22 19:42:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Sunday, 22nd February 2004 @ 07:46:40 PM AEST
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Hello,
I think this is a very nice first effort. Welcome aboard!
Stitch |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 22nd February 2004 @ 08:37:51 PM AEST
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This is a wonderfully written...the only problem with it is that there was one part that I didn't quite understand
"The road fo so long a darkened back street"
The fo so long part..was it mis spelled? anyways dont let that bring you down..you have talent!
Oh and another thing how does the title connect with the words of the poem or the meaning..I just didn't understand that!
x0x0~CaNdIe~ |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by antares on
Sunday, 22nd February 2004 @ 09:40:11 PM AEST
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| hi! i am a "newbie" to. i posted my first a week ago. i think ur poem was good. i felt the emotion. i was a lil confused about the title too and the connection but hey i'm no judge by far. the poem itself was good! i personally enjoyed it. nice! check out some of mine if you want~antares |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by kayald on
Sunday, 22nd February 2004 @ 10:38:59 PM AEST
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My firsts were never this good, you have a lot of talent, i think i get the title, but its a little hazy, also the last stanza doesnt fit the rest of it, but thats jsut me being clincal...i still like the poem a lot and can relate to it..
-Kay |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on
Monday, 23rd February 2004 @ 01:38:42 AM AEST
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WOW!!
that's a powerful read there, my friend! Keep up he good work!! |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Monday, 23rd February 2004 @ 06:00:55 AM AEST
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Most definitely an excellent start, but you've just made yourself pretty big shoes to fill out. Try and free up your thought; the best ideas are not the ones everyone can think of, they're the ones no one else will understand--and the art is to translate it into something they can. The upbeat conclusion is delectable;
Laudably done.
"To be a writer is to spend an hour looking for one word, but making one word more meaning than all the world."
~The Palatine Poet |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Monday, 23rd February 2004 @ 03:47:44 PM AEST
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| A very commendable first attempt. I too am just an amateur but I like to comment as my first love is talking. Anyway...I think I understand the title....being a silent man myself I know the burdens of solitude and the pressure cooker environment of silence...its hard not being able to communicate with people...my outlet is my writings...but the silent girl in your poem seems to be doing well....from her sufferings she is being uplifted...into something else....at least that is what I get. I like the structural approach you used in the poem..I have always been partial to neatness and sructure in poetry...my take is that the idea is to be able to squeeze meanings and feelings into a structure so that they will explode out to the readers....oh well just the meanderings of a slepless soul. |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Thursday, 26th February 2004 @ 11:14:00 PM AEST
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Very nice, Neglected.... You have a lot of talent hiding there.... keep them coming....
Hugs
Jenni |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by SkYYBLu on
Wednesday, 24th March 2004 @ 11:19:21 PM AEST
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I can relate to this so well...unbelievable write...I absolutely loved this...keep it up!
~Paige |
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Re: silent girls burden
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 01:13:09 PM AEST
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lovely write from title to last line, hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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