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Rewind
Contributed by
CodyJ
on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 11:25:02 AM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
And she walks away,
the car door slams, echoing into the night.
Tears of love,
she cries tears of wanting.
She says, "I know,"
I say we can never be together.
She says, "I know,"
I say she'll find another.
The car becomes a tomb,
as we sit and stare at each other.
I'm taken aback,
I can't believe this just happened.
My my mouth, my tongue still feel it,
It's been minutes since it happened.
Wow.
We kissed.
Copyright ©
CodyJ
... [
2004-02-20 11:25:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by New_York_Chick on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 11:55:02 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
whoa it does work backwards
that's cool!! |
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 01:09:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was just incredible! So unique and it does work backwards! (5) all the way!! |
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 01:27:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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It works better backwards than forwards, for me.
I think if you had removed the notion of her leaving the car at the beginning, it would work perfectly.
The beginning aside, its still a really original and expressive poem.
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Re: Rewind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 01:33:10 PM AEST
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|
Hmn, I misread the meaning into car becoming a 'tomb'. I didn't see that it 'entombed the moment you kissed', and you may well be sitting on a park bench or somewhere else, besides a car when you're staring at each other. . .
Class, poem!
Well worth reading twice! hehe |
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