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Crucify Me
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Thursday, 19th February 2004 @ 12:48:58 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
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Please crucify me...
I'm bleeding, just to see if I'm alive
I'm crying, just to express whats going on inside
I'm screaming, just to block out the noise inside
I'm fleeing, trying to get away from my monsters
Please crucify me...
I'm a freak
Trying not to show I'm weak
I'm raking at my skin
Trying to get at the horrendous din
Please crucify me...
I'm numb trying to avoid reality
Trying not to show the real me
I'm closing my eyes
Trying to chase away the lies
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2004-02-19 00:48:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Thursday, 19th February 2004 @ 12:54:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This too is also a great write. Please continue sharing them with us! |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Thursday, 19th February 2004 @ 02:29:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Joel, I really enjoyed the concepts.
However, I felt hampered, and even insulted by the 2-line-at-a-time ryme scheme.
You've done hella better man.
And this aint a diss...
just dont feel the need to resort to unnescessaries.
So yeah, i thoink you should revise it.. let go...let it out, and show me what you are thinking raw.
Cheers, brother
C+ |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Thursday, 19th February 2004 @ 02:30:06 AM AEST
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and in case i didnt make it clear, i LOVE whats happening in this poem
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby1987 on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 10:48:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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NO-I DONT WANT TO CRUCIFY YOU.
Look at your poetry man.
I hope in that you can see that you are very much alive, coz when one is alive they feel and Joel you can feel. It is a beautiful poem however i do not want to crucify you.
Luv Aaliyah(ruby1987) |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 03:12:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I do love this, but i gotta agree that i was surprised at your use of rhyme - i cant remember ever seeing rhyme in your poetry before.. I prefer the first stanza to the other two although i still think it makes a good poem..
char x_x_x |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by carebear on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 07:03:10 PM AEST
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wow handsome pretty good soooo-far I really really liked this n how its turning out good writen so far..
luv always
Care |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 4th March 2004 @ 07:19:32 AM AEST
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| Love it, and I like how it turned out aswell |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on
Wednesday, 10th March 2004 @ 04:10:03 AM AEST
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| Joel, seriously... you are starting to sound like me with this one... it's way too short... however I should know that sometimes something starts, and is cool and fresh, and then it just stops, and doesn't start again... so it's cool, I'll forgive you...lol just kidding man... it is definately a different style for you though, but don't be afraid to try using rhyme, it's fun to play with, and not every poem has to be an extravagant masterpiece. I already said this once tonight to another poet... Sometimes the shortest poems can be the sweetest, write whatever comes out and don't be afraid to share it. Miss you on messanger, haven't been online much during the daytime... I'll run into you shortly tho... take care. |
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Re: Crucify Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by cryingonmyporch on
Friday, 26th March 2004 @ 01:20:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Loved it alot. Like the way you used your words.
~Amy |
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