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Shreds
Contributed by
delusions
on
Wednesday, 11th February 2004 @ 03:32:47 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Why did things seem so damn right
You forced my heart
to shine so damn bright
then ripped it to shreds
the blood just a perfect sight
A sight i missed
A sight you made me forget
Until that day
I opened up to you
You shot me down,
I loved you.
And what hurts the most
Through the tears and pain
Through the lonely nights
and sickening days;
I will never know the truth
You seemed to care,
until your love melted away
And introduced me to darkness...
Copyright ©
delusions
... [
2004-02-11 03:32:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Shreds
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 11th February 2004 @ 05:11:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| It is a nice read..flow is o.k.. venkat |
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Re: Shreds
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 11th February 2004 @ 07:43:20 AM AEST
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It's a good start. There's a lot to say, but focus on tightening and not repeating words, such as damn. Just my 2 c.
Stitch |
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Re: Shreds
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 11th February 2004 @ 04:19:20 PM AEST
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| I think its a great start. I look forward to the next one. Kie |
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Re: Shreds
(User Rating: 1 )
by L-Dee on
Thursday, 12th February 2004 @ 12:47:18 PM AEST
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| Perfect flow, lovely read.xxxxx |
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Re: Shreds
(User Rating: 1 )
by unforgiven on
Thursday, 30th September 2004 @ 02:02:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
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hey sweety...well i'm still commenting on ALL of ur poems so don't get angry if some kinda have the same things in them but neways....i like this one...know how u feel. a guy comes along that u think is so good and then u does sumthing so dog that u feel like he ripped ur heart out wid his hands. keep going sweety and i'm here for u.
luv becca |
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Re: Shreds
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 12th October 2004 @ 08:19:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Love the last few lines. A heartwrenching story occurring every day, but only those who have been there truly understand. Nice stuff.
Stitch |
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