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not as they seem to be
Contributed by
SAT
on
Tuesday, 3rd February 2004 @ 07:51:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
flowers in the meadow
birds in the trees
all that is here
is not as it seems to be
the flowers are all wilted
and the birds are all dead
and all there is now
is a meadow of dread
the people who came
made happiness sorrow
and all there is now
is pain for tomorrow
someone needs to see
what the people have done
this madness needs to stop
for the battle is not yet won
someone needs to show them
how life should be
just why can not they see
how many deaths will it take
until they know
that too many people have died
someone needs to tell them now
to stop.
that too many have cried
Copyright ©
SAT
... [
2004-02-03 19:51:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: not as they seem to be
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Tuesday, 3rd February 2004 @ 08:15:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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awesome write, good flow, ill be lookin out for more of your work.
Arden |
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Re: not as they seem to be
(User Rating: 1 )
by kieran on
Tuesday, 3rd February 2004 @ 08:29:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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interesting piece, I like it. Whats great is the fact that you are ambigous about what your subject matter is - it could be anything!
One critisim though, it could be shorter..some lines have been fleshed out too much, the emotion is very in your face, not particularly subtle. |
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