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The World is gonna End
Contributed by
alecfernadez
on
Saturday, 31st January 2004 @ 03:39:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
Oh goodness gracious me,
The world's gonna end,
Cant you see?
Am I going round the bend?
Am I losing reality,
Is that meteor crashing into earth,
Really an anology for my insanity,
Is it a sign that I'm giving birth,
To a new sickness inside,
Or is the world gonna end,
And no-one will have a place to hide,
Will we be able to defend?
Send Bruce Willis up to blow it to pieces?
Displaying Amageddon style American power?
While the rest of the world swims in their feces
Or is it a sign that the world's going sour,
Are these thoughts in my head a new way,
To fix all the world's problems,
Make hatred go away,
A saviour to all, to hundreds,
All of which give a *****,
About the state of our society,
And the damnation of all this,
Trying to fix anger economically,
But wait, maybe its all a dream,
And I'm really passed out on my bed,
After drinking 3 pints of gasoline,
Just like the warning label said,
Maybe I really am messed up in the head,
Or maybe I actually Mistook,
I think I took my friends pills instead,
It was acid I really took
And as I gaze up to the sky,
Look at the meteor so very high,
Holding my ears in my hand,
Burying myself in times sand,
Rocking back and forth,
Watching the world morth,
This acid I took is really strong,
I usually take hits from the bong,
The meteor is changing again,
I think I'm going insane,
All I see cleary and abundent,
Is a fleet of pink flying elephant
Copyright ©
alecfernadez
... [
2004-01-31 15:39:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The World is gonna End
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 31st January 2004 @ 04:06:50 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I agree--strange poem! Definitely is worth the read!
Two "form and substance" comments:
+ The poem tipped it's hand too early. As a "is it me that's messed up, or the world?" poem, the author probably should have introduced the "is it me?" portion later in the poem--as a twist and turn element. First facts, then paranoia, then wait--is it me? Would have helped the flow.
+ Visually, this was not an inviting poem. I almost didn't read it because of the length of the first stanza--most times, the visuals are almost as important as the substance. Edit out some lines? Break it up into smaller stanzas? Not sure what, but it needed something done to the first stanza's visual.
Overall, this was a mighty good read. My complaints are kinda minor--the strange fun of the poem made for an interesting short story. I hope the writer stays a little psychotic--the psychosis makes excellent reading! :) |
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Re: The World is gonna End
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Wednesday, 7th April 2004 @ 05:07:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very good you have captured the emotions you need to write a sucessful poem. |
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