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Bleeding
Contributed by
wo0t
on
Saturday, 31st January 2004 @ 12:38:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Cut myself to watch it bleed
The crimson leaving my veins
Reminding me of my cursed heart
And how it feels such pain
Make a fist to let more flow
Out and into the open
Watching as I numb myself
Keeping the love I have within
Eyes glaze over and fade away
Mind forgets my nerves
I've grown accustomed to the process
Laying face down on the curb
Haven't written like this in awhile
Heart hasn't felt the need
But this is a time of heartache
And the hour for me to bleed
Don't know where I stand
Too much confusion in the heart and eyes
Didn't want to fall again
So I put on my disguise
Stone cold like the old days
Fake my being "fine"
This is all that comforts me
The pain that which is mine
Wrap myself up in gauze
Let my blood soak through
This is how it'll always be
It's worked so far for two
Bleeding to heal my heart
Accepting all the pain
Withstanding the winter storms
And shivering in the rain
Copyright ©
wo0t
... [
2004-01-31 12:38:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bleeding
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 31st January 2004 @ 03:42:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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The strongest staza in this poem seems to me to be the second stanza--the one that didn't ryhme, followed by the last stanza.
The emotion of the writer was strong and came through words; I felt the agony of the writer. To me, if one can transfer emotion to the reader in a poem, that's one way of judging a poem as successful.
A comment on the length: I wish the writer would have editied out the middle four stanzas & just left the first and last two stanzas. I feel this poem would probably would have said more in saying less. |
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Re: Bleeding
(User Rating: 1 )
by LaurenShields on
Wednesday, 4th February 2004 @ 10:56:44 PM AEST
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Wow. The stanza I liked in particular is the last one: "Accepting all the pain
Withstanding the winter storms
And shivering in the rain". The imagery is great and I know what it all feels like. You want to stop but the pain is all too much. I hope things work out for you. Very nice writing by the way. You wove every emotion into the writing so well. Keep it up.
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