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Painting a storm
Contributed by
forever_lonely
on
Sunday, 25th January 2004 @ 07:20:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Raining within, these words break my heart
Each story a droplet, tearing me apart
This place in time that weve now lost
Never cared till i knew that this was my cost
You painted my picture, my portrait of life
Each emotion a colour, the painter my wife
Lost in the beauty, my thoughts and my words
Like the blossoming flower, like a small singing bird
Something went wrong, a storm was now near
Oblivious was i, that things were unclear
I remember only flashes, lightning now struck
It was one in a million but it was not luck
'I cant take anymore' your words linger so plain
Like smoke that picture left in a fire of pain
The colours all melted, and dripped of my life
The rain pulled you away, no longer my wife
I sit here alone, now afraid of the cold
I lost all that was close, now noone to hold
My picture now fallen, my life now just bare
All because of a storm, because i was unfair
Im sorry my love, that i treated you so
How im not sure, but i shall never now know
Our painting is lost, it burned in my rain
Please forgive me my love, for all of your pain.
Copyright ©
forever_lonely
... [
2004-01-25 19:20:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by hawaii06 on
Sunday, 25th January 2004 @ 07:22:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a very good write about a subject so sad...this is a great poem....Keep writing....
Jamie |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Sunday, 25th January 2004 @ 07:24:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Sad, but so beautifully written....
Jenni |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by full_blur on
Sunday, 25th January 2004 @ 07:50:04 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| great poem. You deal with a very sad and delicate subject with beautiful imagery and flow. well done. |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Sunday, 25th January 2004 @ 07:50:56 PM AEST
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this is one of your best yet...truly felt the pain within your words...
Shari |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Sunday, 25th January 2004 @ 11:07:58 PM AEST
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This is beautiful Luke. So sad though.
Almost made me cry.
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Monday, 26th January 2004 @ 12:46:00 AM AEST
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I loved the line " Each story a droplet, tearing me apart'.
Great piece of poetry, Luke. |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Monday, 26th January 2004 @ 08:09:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Oh my god, that was amazing. This is my new favorite, right beside "Lock and Key." It doesn't get any better than this.
Truly,
-V.S. |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Monday, 26th January 2004 @ 12:50:53 PM AEST
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Oh amazing writing! Very vivid and very sad! Wow the work of a master! I'm really stunned! Keep on writing! You're very very very talented and I'm not telling this because I'm your friend or something but it the truth!
Anne :D |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Tuesday, 27th January 2004 @ 05:23:03 AM AEST
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| well painted with all colours of pain..very well done..venkat |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by fallen_eyes on
Tuesday, 27th January 2004 @ 10:29:03 AM AEST
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| Wow, this poem is amazing one of your best. you really shock me with the skill and description everytime you write a new poem. love always T x |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Empty_Soul on
Wednesday, 28th January 2004 @ 05:52:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
great flow to this poem and really easy to read. i hate this poem so much cos it makes mine look pants. lol. jus like ur next poem i about 2 comment on, grr damn u, i kill u while u sleep lol.
keep on fighting
never stop writing
John |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Putteragain on
Friday, 30th January 2004 @ 05:37:04 PM AEST
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Im crying vas if this happened to me such beauty for such a sad time WOW
I love it
michelle |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 3rd February 2004 @ 12:45:27 PM AEST
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| awww so sad...... *big hug* written beautifully though! hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Painting a storm
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Friday, 20th February 2004 @ 10:43:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This felt very emotional. It was an incredibly good write. I love the flow and the use of words. Nicely done. |
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