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Trapped
Contributed by
Elf
on
Saturday, 24th January 2004 @ 02:22:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I look around
There's no one there
Nothing in here
The place is bare.
I try to imagine
where I could be.
What I am doing here?
What reason could it be?
Where am I?
What'd I do?
To deserve
such as this?
To be alone?
For always and ever?
To be trapped inside myself?
would I escape? Would I never?
The silence is deafening.
To much to take.
Nothing can quiet it
My mind it does shake.
This chaos around me
Silent and dead
leaves me nothing to hope for
I'm trapped in my head.
Copyright ©
Elf
... [
2004-01-24 14:22:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by kieran on
Saturday, 24th January 2004 @ 02:29:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I like this poem, it's quite melancoly, but I think, if you were to improve it, try and get rid of all the question marks. Often you can make a question into a question without the question marks, or make it so it reads like a stream of conciousness poem. The puncutation tends to break up the flow of the poem, but the last line is pretty good...like the last line. |
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by hawaii06 on
Saturday, 24th January 2004 @ 02:31:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a very good poem and I can relate to it...I know exactly what yo feel...This is a very good write..and I hope you continue writing....
Jamie |
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