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I Fall
Contributed by
blueheart
on
Friday, 23rd January 2004 @ 09:06:17 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
The pressure is mounting,
Thick tension fills the air,
All eyes are set on me,
Yet my focus is nowhere.
They want to see me win,
They've got all plans laid out,
I'm the champion of this kin,
My talent has to sprout.
I think I have burnt out,
Somewhere along the way,
Years of pushing myself to the limit,
Has punctured my spirit away.
My legs won't run anymore,
They've finally given up this time,
But the expectations I see,
Forces me to step to the line.
I'm halfway through the race,
Dying but no one to call,
Trying but finally I let go,
And with tears of relief, I fall.
Copyright ©
blueheart
... [
2004-01-23 09:06:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jacktripper on
Friday, 23rd January 2004 @ 09:41:12 AM AEST
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| Great poem!!! "Dying but no one to call...Trying but finally I let go" Great comparrison of life to running a race. Crazy thought but if you added a little breathless tense analogies it'd probably work really good in this poem too. I enjoyed this thank you... |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 23rd January 2004 @ 10:13:08 AM AEST
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| oooo! great write! one of your best! hope all is well with you, whilst running that race dont forget that your heart has wings:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 5th February 2004 @ 03:49:35 PM AEST
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I hear u.
we all fall sometimes but when we get to the bottom the only way is up.
hang tuff, hugg, luv, strength,
emy
Great work of art! |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by mercedes on
Saturday, 7th February 2004 @ 11:13:51 AM AEST
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| You cannot win a race that you are running for someone else. Gotta push yourself only for yourself. Great comparison. I especially liked the last line. |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 10:27:31 AM AEST
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wow this is amazing.. i wrote a poem called 'I Fall' myself, but this seems to fit parhaps even more so than my own! great stuff : ) dont give up..
charlotte x_x_x |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Soulless on
Friday, 26th March 2004 @ 10:12:55 PM AEST
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I like the connections and the poem as a metaphor in whole. Nicely written.
kisses,
~Soulless~ |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 08:18:53 PM AEST
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There's so much here. All the hope and pressure and agony is potent and clear.
Nice write.
Stitch |
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Re: I Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on
Wednesday, 28th April 2004 @ 09:19:43 PM AEST
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| This was an excellent write. It seems like the legs feel like dead weights. *S* Cynthia |
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