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Desperation
Contributed by
srugglingyoungster
on
Monday, 19th January 2004 @ 07:35:17 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
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Desperation
Why did you die,
leave me here stranded,
in a world full of pain ,
and desperation.
Its a whole new Beginning,
understanding, emptiness.
New obstacles containing,
hurt, pain, and confusion.
A whole new life,
A whole new person,
is this all of what i am to become?
Lost forever,
in a world without you.
But, the memories,
they wont go away,
and some i dont even want to stay.
A new meaning,
A new life,
in my world of Desperation.
Srugglingyoungster
Copyright ©
srugglingyoungster
... [
2004-01-19 07:35:17] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Desperation
(User Rating: 1 ) by Jacktripper on
Monday, 19th January 2004 @ 07:42:37 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Very impressive... If your as young as you say you are your vocabulary is incredible. No rhyme scheme which is ok you made the words work the poetry. However you might want to add some deeper emotions for example the funeral ceremony? Or grandma's reactions? Because Desperation is something anyone around your grandpa would have felt so it would give more length to your poetry. Incredible work your on your way kid keep up the good stuff. |
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