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My Pain
Contributed by
Empty_Soul
on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 07:36:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
A few personal problems in my life so I thought i'd try and make another poem out of it. (RE-POSTED DUE TO STUPID TYPO!)
My pain haunts me through my life
My pain stabs at me like a knife
My pain taunts at me in the night
My pain grabs at my only light
My pain draws tears to my eyes
My pain has to be covered with lies
My pain hurts me so much
My pain has such a cold touch
My pain makes people run away
My pain makes me wish they would stay
My pain......my pain....
I am so alone
Copyright ©
Empty_Soul
... [
2004-01-14 19:36:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 07:39:18 PM AEST
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john
excellent write i really feel your pain
excellent style and great flow
keep it up, head and writing
luke |
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Re: My Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 07:41:10 PM AEST
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Oh so much pain! What a sad poem! Hey don't be sad you're not alone!! The words are really touching! I'm so sad for you! Don't feel this way please!! *cries*
Anne ;)
(lol had to re-comment due to stupid typo! lol :P)
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Re: My Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wrybod on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 08:05:34 PM AEST
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Yeah, it must be nice to be a fish in a shoal
or a birds in a flock or a porpoise in a school....
On second thoughts I'd rather be an individual.
I have worked out ways of switching off painfull thoughts (but it doesn't always work)
Having grown up as an only child I don't mind being alone. In fact I'm not sure I don't prefer it.
Very good write. Really made me think
bob |
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Re: My Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 08:43:37 PM AEST
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-The emotion of the poem comes through loud and clear. I can feel the "what" of your pain.
-My suggestion, regarding structure, would be that this would be a more readable poem if it were broken into stanzas. I wouldn't change the words, because the poem is powerfully written, but I would just change the physical layout of the words to visually break up your thoughts into three, four-line pieces. I believe that would make the poem visually easier for readers to digest. |
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Re: My Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrucifiedAndLeft2Die on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 09:37:04 PM AEST
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| This was good. |
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Re: My Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by sweetangeluk on
Thursday, 15th January 2004 @ 11:22:12 AM AEST
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Great write
So sad though
Dont feel alone surround yourself with friends or family
I know sometimes you can feel alone in a crowded room but not always if you have company
Wishing you happiness
Love Angelxxx |
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