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One Day
Contributed by
Coquillion
on
Monday, 12th January 2004 @ 06:06:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I can see a summer’s day,
the air is sweet with new mown hay.
I rest beneath a leafy tree,
its branches spread to welcome me.
Swarms of painted butterflies,
swirl and dance before my eyes,
A lark, suspended in the sky,
proclaims its freedom from on high.
And in the pastureland beyond,
the waters of a reeded pond,
glint and sparkle diamond bright
as gentle ripples catch the light.
Flowers nod in the summer breeze,
wreathed in clouds of jewelled bees
and all is silence save their drone
and birdsong sung for me alone.
In all the world there is but me,
bathed in such tranquillity.
One day I’ll find this perfect peace
and on that day my life will cease.
PLEASE COMMENT - I need to know whether I'm wasting my time.
Copyright ©
Coquillion
... [
2004-01-12 06:06:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Monday, 12th January 2004 @ 06:13:34 AM AEST
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Definitely not a waste of time by any means. I rather enjoyed it. Great imagery, flow and rhyme. I'd like to see more, I think you'd to well to pursue this style now and then.
Truly,
-V.S. |
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 12th January 2004 @ 06:36:19 AM AEST
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| This is in no way a waste! Beautiful and worth the time you put into it! Great write! I'm glad to see that not everything you see is dark. |
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by 13Hopes on
Monday, 12th January 2004 @ 06:47:12 AM AEST
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I agree with Anonomys...
I will be reading again. Good work.
Cheers
#13 |
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Monday, 12th January 2004 @ 09:01:42 AM AEST
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You most certainly aren't wasting your time... I kinda like the lighter side...
Jenni |
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wrybod on
Monday, 12th January 2004 @ 12:09:06 PM AEST
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I go along with the others. As I read this I was transported through time and space to a beautful idyllic place.
I regretted the bitterness in the last line though. I would have preferred something like....
"a moment when all troubles cease"
But that's just "nit picking"! It is what I call "proper poetry". It rhymes, it scans and your command of language is exceptional.
bob
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Wednesday, 14th January 2004 @ 04:26:05 AM AEST
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| Definitely not wasting your time ... please don't stop writing poetry ... you have awesome talent ... your flow, rhyme, rhythm and depth of feeling cannot be surpassed ... keep writing ... Jan |
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Re: One Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Wednesday, 21st January 2004 @ 05:59:11 PM AEST
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Ok. I did indeed like this. I saw the lighter side up until this
'One day I’ll find this perfect peace
and on that day my life will cease.'
I mean I really liked those lines but... Lol. It was a good write. |
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