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Untitled
Contributed by
Empty_Soul
on
Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:04:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
This is the first poem I ever wrote, I don't rate it myself but thought I'd post it to see what you guys think, Its a bit morbid but never mind, here goes:
death is upon us
it will catch us all
there is no escape
you now know your fate
death is near
and holds nothing but fear
you will perish
to the pits of hell we shall fall
death is an eagle
calmly watching its prey
ready to stike in the dead of the night
are you ready to die?
death is a disease
a disease with no cure
destroying hundreds of souls
despair crawls accross their faces
you will die
told you it was a bit morbid, i know its got some tormented rhyming going on in there but as a first poem I found it really hard to write, an its pants. Read "Vampires Curse" I think I did a better job on that one. Thanks.
Copyright ©
Empty_Soul
... [
2004-01-08 12:04:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on
Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:10:11 PM AEST
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its not bad, its very dark, and morbid as you say, and you write that with enthusiasm, which is all that matters, because subject or topic or tone of poetry isnt anything wrong, a long as the emotions are there, which in this poem, are.
Peace
Alec Fernandez |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on
Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:10:54 PM AEST
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I forgot to write,
Good write!
Peace anywayz |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 12:32:18 PM AEST
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| There are ways to describe death, this is one way. You described it with good imagery. Dark indeed ;) |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Thursday, 8th January 2004 @ 07:13:41 PM AEST
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The image of death is like beauty.. it in the eye of the beholder.. and if i do say so myself you behold it quite well .. i love you use of imagery in this and combining it with the morbid effect and style of this write.. perfect
Luke |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by fallen_eyes on
Saturday, 10th January 2004 @ 07:06:49 PM AEST
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| i like your poems where as luke rite bout life, me bout love and u about death pretty cool combo! luv ya t |
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