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The light
Contributed by
loopylou
on
Sunday, 4th January 2004 @ 01:37:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
she stands in these murcky surrondings
a desserted train station tied to the tracks
all her problems holding her back
staring down the long dark tunnel
the rain falling swiftly apon her face
her hands blue with cold
a puddle in front of her
in it her sad reflection it holds
the sky is dark with cloud
thunder regulally strikes
the girl isnt faised as she stands and stairs
waiting,waiting for the train
somthing to light the tunnels dark
to feel the vibratioin of the cold metal beneath her feet
so cold....
she hears what she's waiting for
finally deaths call
the last thing the girl saw was light
then a spirit flew of with the dark clouds in the night
Copyright ©
loopylou
... [
2004-01-04 13:37:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The light
(User Rating: 1 )
by irshprnss on
Sunday, 4th January 2004 @ 06:38:15 PM AEST
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I can't believe I am the first to comment on this poem. I am speachless....... Brilliant .........Simply Brillant!
Diana |
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Re: The light
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Friday, 9th January 2004 @ 09:23:28 PM AEST
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i thought this was awesome although I found one thing confusing... In line 2 u said she was 'tied to the tracks'. I found this odd since it was suicide and u can't tie yerself to train-tracks very easily and yet near the end she fells 'the cold metal beneath her feet'. I may have read it wrong, but it was good no matter what.
Bobo (Joel) |
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