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Out of Mind, Out of Body
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Monday, 29th December 2003 @ 04:43:34 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Follow the light, it will guide
Lose yourself, go for the ride
Drawn together, two collide
Follow the light to the other side
On time for another arrival
The train screeches into your station
Without reason you step aboard
As a lost soul without creation
Travelling at unfathomable speed
On a track made out of sky
Whipping through blackness and patterns of diamonds
Out the window you see where you lie
Follow the light, it will guide
Lose yourself, go for the ride
Drawn together, two collide
Follow the light to the other side
The rollercoaster ride goes on
Til you enter the near endless tunnel
Feel like losing your mind
As you enter the near endless tunnel
As quickly as you had risen
You found yourself in a downward spin
Shaking violently through turbulence
Then you're on the rise again
It just goes on forever and ever
It takes you where it goes
High to low and fast to slow
Where it stops, nobody knows
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2003-12-29 04:43:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Out of Mind, Out of Body
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Monday, 29th December 2003 @ 09:37:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Pretty good poem, I should say. An entertaining read to say the least. The only reason I can't think of anything deeper to say is because I didn't quite get it.
The path to death, I think? That one-way spiral down that never comes back up again?
*shrugs*
You still have slight problems in rythm, unless you're shooting for inconsistency.
"A trail of death will tail the best and bring down bravest souls;
As once Macbeth did fall to rest and fail both crown and goal."
~The Palatine Poet |
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Re: Out of Mind, Out of Body
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Monday, 29th December 2003 @ 10:09:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I thought this poem was excellent! This one is my favorite one of all that you have written. Although I say that every time I read something of yours!
Great job on this one..
Kie |
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