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Why Try
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Monday, 15th December 2003 @ 06:43:12 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
The weight of the world lies on my shoulders
As I crumble beneath it's immense girth
The balancing scale is tipped against me
Carrying the mass of the withered earth
I wake up every single morning
Knowing this is how it will stay
The viscious cycle becomes perpetual
As I relapse into another day
To pour in your heart and give a glimpse of your soul
To have burning passion quenched without any control
When you give and give only to be rejected
When your best efforts fail and you expose the protected
(Why try)
Why believe your own lie
(Why try)
On broken wings to fly
(Why try)
Screaming at the empty sky
(Why try)
When you're ready to die
Thrown around, lost in the dealer's shuffle
Is the deck so truly stacked against me
I want to toss the losing cards i'm dealt
And draw another hand of tragedy
Try to do what's right and I make things worse
They say that through mistakes one becomes wise
Drained and pummelled should I just throw it in
Tired of chances that come up snake eyes
To open up your heart, give a glimpse of your mind
Convinced everyone will despise what they find
To emerge from the shadows and divest your cloak
To have all your good intentions burn up in smoke
(Why try)
Why believe your own lie
(Why try)
On broken wings to fly
(Why try)
Screaming at the empty sky
(Why try)
When you're ready to die
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2003-12-15 06:43:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Why Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Monday, 15th December 2003 @ 07:29:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Save a few moments where i think you make allusions to subjects I'm unfamiliar with, this poem is pretty good. As most poems i comment on go, you have profound insight and meaning mentioned within the poem that strikes the soul and calls for commentary. It's good, alright. I'd question the "(why try)" portion, but it fits well enough. The only thing you have left to work on for this poem is to shape up whatever clunky portions of the rythm you can spot. It's not yet comepletely fluid,
But it's still a profound, compelling write.
"Sing a song or play along to specious, merry tunes;
Live a life that's free of spite or scurry from the moon. "
~Eternity's Lyre |
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Re: Why Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Monday, 15th December 2003 @ 08:19:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I could hear a lyrical ballad when I read your poem. I have often times ask myself -Why try- and my only conclusion is this--somewhere deep inside I believe in hope. You are very descriptive and my mind follows yours. I thought great job once again...
Kie |
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Re: Why Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Monday, 15th December 2003 @ 01:46:18 PM AEST
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beautifully written!! I have asked myself this question many times.. so i can relate to it before.. great job!! I enjoyed reading some of your work as always
peace joy and hope
JENNA |
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Re: Why Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Monday, 15th December 2003 @ 05:45:15 PM AEST
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VS I loved reading this poem, it was futile in places, but seemed to unfold just right!
Without hope of trying....why even go to bed at night! May not be our cup of tea....but it's expected from you and me....so don't despair...try, try, try, there's nothing else we can do.....Don't be discouraged...look for the positive in everything....those that can't even hope to begin.....to try!
lovingcritters'
ConSue |
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Re: Why Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by harshreality on
Monday, 15th December 2003 @ 09:05:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this was beautiful. I feel your pain- Literally! |
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