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RAVAGING CHAOS
Contributed by
phraseo
on
Saturday, 13th December 2003 @ 01:42:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I FEEL ETERNALLY HAUNTED,
BY THE GHOSTS OF THE PAST
A FUTURE SO BLEAK
MY SOUL HAS A LEAK!
ALL DIVERSIONS ELUDE ME
WINDOWS LOCKED DOORS BOLTED!
ANY ESCAPE ELUDES ME
MYRIAD IMAGES HAZE MY CONSCIENCE
WHIRLPOOLS OF EMOTION OBFUSCATING MY PRESIENCE
HOW MANY TIMES DO I FIND MYSELF CHOKING?
UR EYES WELLED UP UR BODY JERKING!
IT TAKES A SECOND TO WANDER OFF
BUT AN ETERNITY TO GET BACK
IF ONLY COMPUNCTION WAS A CONSEQUENCE
IT WOULD BE MY ONLY INDULGENCE
AW SHUCKS IT AIN'T WORKING!
REALITY SUCKS
BUT I STILL GOTTA GET BACK!
Copyright ©
phraseo
... [
2003-12-13 13:42:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: RAVAGING CHAOS
(User Rating: 1 )
by desertrose on
Saturday, 13th December 2003 @ 02:53:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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You describe how ones past can swallow them like a shark hole great powerful write
Rose
http://www.todays-woman.net |
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Re: RAVAGING CHAOS
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Saturday, 13th December 2003 @ 10:13:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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ok this started out REALLY good and had some really strong lines but there a few things that could be touched up
A FUTURE SO BLEAK
MY SOUL HAS A LEAK!
that rhyme sounds forced
and the last 3 lines were really non-creative as opposed to the rest of the poem which was awesome. Try touching it up a bit more and this will be awesome!
Bobo (Joel) |
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