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workin progress
Contributed by
TaintedOptomist
on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 11:49:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Chips on the blade
And blood stains your shoes
You left your knife in my back
And you left your heart on your sleeve
And the butterflies and bullets
Count it out
(count them out)
Like the notches in your headboard
Dagger in my heart
And the medication in my stomach
Self prescribed perfection
Your face in the pond
Your voice on the radio
All ways chasing a ghost
All ways chasing after you
Copyright ©
TaintedOptomist
... [
2003-12-06 11:49:21] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: workin progress
(User Rating: 1 ) by Cobalt on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 01:05:01 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I thought this was a cool write. I even think the title worked perfectly lol. |
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Re: workin progress
(User Rating: 1 ) by Wrybod on
Wednesday, 10th December 2003 @ 01:11:19 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Took me several lines to get into it I think I would habvve done better if I'd read the last verse first.
The poem certainly doesn't pull it's punches
It's good but I can only suggest putting the .last verse first (for the dim souls like me)
bob |
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Re: workin progress
(User Rating: 1 ) by Wrybod on
Wednesday, 10th December 2003 @ 01:13:08 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Took me several lines to get into it I think I would have done better if I'd read the last verse first.
The poem certainly doesn't pull it's punches
It's good but I can only suggest putting the .last verse first (for the dim souls like me)
bob |
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