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Life Trial
Contributed by
zee
on
Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 04:56:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I am given his life history till date,
All I do is criticize, praise and rate.
Any two results in the end will be tailed.
Judging whether he passed or failed.
I start with his general appearance,
He is smiling but shy and intense.
He looks at life with a positive approach,
But with stumbling and confused encroach.
Result: Failed
I then move on to his interests,
He likes everything, such zest.
This thing can hurt him anytime,
So he misses my vote again this time.
Result: Failed
I now move on to assess his feelings,
They are warm but stiff with sealing.
He is not easily willing to change,
Thinks he is right and slips off my range.
Result: Failed
I then try to figure out his ambition,
It flies high but still no recognition.
He takes this as loss and tries to abate.
Making a mistake and again I isolate.
Result: Failed
I try to round up now on his health,
If equal to money, has borderline wealth.
This is not seriously taken on by him,
I am sorry but I again don’t stand by him.
Result: Failed
I now take a note on his Friends circle,
In making new ones, he is a turtle.
To his luck, he gets mostly the selfish,
And his selfless acts leave him foolish.
Result: Failed
He has this habit of taking things heavily,
Out of distress, he cries often helplessly.
Life is all up and downs, he should know.
He should be strong, let his patience grow.
Result: Failed
I then gather people’s view about him,
All seem to be very happy with him.
This leaves him alone on the personal front.
He can’t express, emotions all inside & burnt.
Result: Failed
I stop now, wanting to refresh myself.
“This guy is a fool, all finished himself.
He has a strong heart he should boost it,
He can change if he wants, is my verdict.
He knows what is wrong and what is right,
Can improvise fast, he is light and bright.”
The strength lies in what you can do,
Not just sobbing at what you can’t do.
If you have the ability to judge yourself,
You are the best and you can beat yourself.
Grand Result: Will never fail in future if he mends himself from the start and think hard. Failures are often the stepping the stones to success!! So go ahead, Best of luck!!
Copyright ©
zee
... [
2003-12-05 16:56:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by EmSal on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 12:14:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow very interesting...we shoudl all take a good look at ourselves and see what we need to change or leave...Quote - "The strength lies in what you can do, not just sobbing at what you can’t do" - How true is this! A good write, different too. Best of luck and all the best for you. :)
Emma. |
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 07:44:37 PM AEST
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| wow zee! thats what i call a good long look at ones self! super write, very refreshing, i think your a little too hard on you though:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Saturday, 6th December 2003 @ 09:28:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Dear Zee....this poem of yours is splendid in my book....I took a really good look and this what I saw. Originality was great. I've never seen anyone to themselves rate!~Well written, and understandble too. However, I think you are a little harsh on you! I'm going to give you a five on this one Zee...I think it was great right down the "T"...you are very talented indeed.....keep writing dear...it takes lots of patience and practice, practice, practice. and thank you so much for stopping by and having some Irish Creme with me.
Lovingcritters'
ConSue |
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by PumpkinPie on
Monday, 8th December 2003 @ 06:19:15 PM AEST
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Very well written Zee!Many congrats!I posted a 5 star definately on this one..I read it a couple times and I like your structure,direct but more profound then the certain understanding of the words.Every it true and we all can relate to a certain degree on this one.Congratulations!
PumpkinPie |
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Tuesday, 9th December 2003 @ 04:44:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Twang!!! as the arrow flies and the assured thuddd as it hits its mark. Your barrage of words here hits the bull's eye in many ways and in many instances. Firstly it is techinically beautiful. I like the way you phrased this piece and its structure. But most importantly I find find myself able to relate yo your message here. I too have often felt the heavy brunt of self-analysis...most often ..I am my worst judge. Reading your poem is like looking into a mirror. Is it this universal certainty that people with poetic tendencies view themselves with such heavily tinted vision? I guess it is the legacy of the classical tradition where philosophy tends to turn everyone into either a hedonist without care or into a stoic with self reciminating thoughts. But I guess our take on the situation differs.. your "grand result" exults and idolizes the new beginning theory...or..rebeginnings....I choose the less admirable road of the cynical...and the sardonic...why try if failure is the only certainty...yes you can try and try again but what if your fate is to doom and perdition... it might not but it might be...so why bother...soo many people has taken the positive spin I think it is interesting to take the other one...hehe..another meandering of a sleepless mind...to each his or her own. |
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by eternal_sorrows on
Wednesday, 10th December 2003 @ 06:01:19 PM AEST
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What a way to look from the outside in, something alot of poeple don't like to do. And since you are one who have, hats off to you for doing such that and even sharing yourself with us. Best of luck!
ES |
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Re: Life Trial
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Sunday, 14th December 2003 @ 02:59:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow....what's left for me to say!! Excellent write.. I love your perspective here. This is a very unique poem....
Jenni |
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